Postal Inspector: "Tape gun residue. Something big must have been packed here. Judging by the residue strewn across random surfaces, I'm going to say it was a rush job. Tackiness of the adhesive means it had to have happened at most two days prior to postmark."
Postal Inspector: "All this..."
<the postal official gags, doubles over.>
<after several long minutes, the Inspector manages to get themself back under control>
P.I.: "This... path of destruction. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in postal sorting machinery, all brought to it's knees, perhaps irreparably."
<the Inspector starts pacing the width of the Sorting Hall>
P.I.: "All because someone tried to smuggle trivial amounts of weed without paying 2$ for proper shipping. Central says it was a two-stamp envelope. Can you imagine? What are we teaching kids these days."
P.I.: "Christ. Two stamps."
P.I.: "Fucking hell."