Do you like yourself? You don't have to answer that, but I know it can often be hard even when there's so much about you to like. We're often our own worst critics and when you're left alone with your thoughts to stew on something it's hard to be fair on yourself when all you can focus on are the negatives in your life.
At times like those, sometimes the best choice is to seek the company of another to forget about your problems and remind yourself that you are somebody worth loving. Under no circumstances however do I recommend creating an identical copy of yourself and moving in with them.
This one's gonna be dense because it's got double the Rimmer. Here we are at the finale of Series 1 of Red Dwarf.
Content warning ahead for of some pretty vicious self-hatred by way of vocalised/personified intrusive thoughts, neglect-based childhood trauma and my extrapolations upon said.
Episode 6: Me²
Rimmer's moving out - he's leaving Lister behind and moving in with Rimmer. The episode opens with Lister sorting through their belongings, picking out what's his and what's Rimmer's:
- Astronavigation and Invisible Numbers and Engineering Structure
Made Simple - Rimmer's - The Pop-Up Kama Sutra - Zero Gravity Edition - Lister's
- Arnold J. Rimmer - A Tribute - ???
While packing Rimmer's belongings, Lister finds a video (in VCR format of course) with the title above, and asks himself aloud what it is. Enter Rimmer, who notices and explains that it's a video of his own death. At some point after being brought back as a hologram, Rimmer requested that Holly create a video of his death to commemorate the occasion. Lister doesn't quite understand, but Rimmer has a pretty level-headed perspective on it.
What's so strange? You have videos of weddings and births."
"So what, did you have other people around, give 'em a sherry and invite them to watch you snuff it?"
"Lister, my death is one of the most important things that ever happened to me. Just stick it in the trunk and shut up.
And you know what, in a world where there is a continued existence after death - where it's not the handicap it used to be in the olden days one might say - why not?
What a Guy! (Precursor)
While Lister is packing his belongings for him, Rimmer points out Lister's posters. The posters aren't his, but the Blu-Tack they're using is, he did pay for it using his own money after all, and he's the tightest son-of-a-bitch imaginable. Rimmer doesn't push the point though and instead goes on to congratulate himself on how great an idea this was - that is, the idea of tricking Lister into making another Rimmer so the two Rimmers can move out together. He crows about what it means to be free from Lister's company now, with his stupid annoying face, and his stupid annoying habits like humming.
ME? What did I do?"
"You hummed. Maliciously and persistently for two years1. Every time I sat down to do some revision: (hum's Listers favourite 'From Ganymede to Titan' tune)"
"Hang on, hang on, are you saying you never became an officer because you shared your quarters with someone who hummed?
But oh no, it wasn't just the humming - not even Rimmer could be that petty2, and he provides a list of Lister's crimes which held him back and excuse him from achieving his ambitions:
- Using Rimmer's mother's photograph as an ashtray.
- Exchanging the symbols on Rimmer's revision timetable so instead of taking his engineering finals he went swimming.
- Swapping Rimer's toothpaste with a tube of contraceptive jelly.
- Putting Rimmer's name down on the waiting list for experimental pile surgery.
And sure, these certainly don't seem like great things to have happen to you at the hand of the person you're forced to live with. I'd be miffed too! But as Lister points out it goes both ways, for example Rimmer used to play self-hypnosis tapes during the night: Learn Esperanto While You Sleep; and Learn Quantum Theory While You Sleep, which only ever achieved neither of them ever getting any sleep. The tapes at least you can easily argue there was good intention behind, I would say it's even generous by Rimmer's low standards that he didn't contrive some way to prevent Lister from listening to them. Lister's second example isn't quite so innocent though: one time Rimmer tied Lister's hair to his bedpost while he slept and sounded the fire alarm, which Rimmer dismisses as something he had to do because he was sick of Lister annoying him and refuses to explain it - Lister has always stopped him from being successful and that's a scientific fact.
So by last count, Rimmer's been with the company for 15 years, and in this time he's taken his engineer's exam 11 times (at least under the command of Captain Holister) and has only achieved the rank of Second Technician. Pre-death he only spent the past two years1 in company with Lister. You get the pretty clear impression from this that Rimmer has always seen himself as right on the cusp of success, just an inch away from the breakthrough that will let him achieve his ambitions, if only it weren't for whatever little thing were bothering him at exactly that point in time, and whatever problem he's being held back by in the moment is responsible for all of his current and future failures and so needs to be brought down. For the time he's been stuck with Lister, each of those little things were caused by Lister and he remembers every one of them because they're what stopped him from becoming an officer. In his last 15 years with the Jupiter Mining Corp, I've no doubt that Rimmer would have a laundry list of others whose perceived wrongs have held him back as well, and we'll learn of one in particular soon.
Lister tries to appeal to Rimmer that he can't blame him for his own lousy life, but Rimmer isn't willing to even consider the concept, immediately replying that yes, he can.
In the end you can't turn around and say, "I'm sorry I buggered up my life, it's all LISTER'S fault!"
But Rimmer points out that's not what he's doing now, because he's moving out of 'Slob City' and into 'Successville' - which as Lister points out is the room next door, but the location doesn't matter to Rimmer, the company does, and he's "about to share my life with someone who'll give me encouragement and understanding, the thrust and parry of meaningful conversation!"
At this point Rimmer pokes his head into the door to check on Rimmer, and with Rimmer letting Rimmer know that everything's going 'tickety boo' Rimmer and Rimmer share a salute and Rimmer leaves. Rimmer utters words that will come to be associated with a monolith next to which Rimmer could never compare, "What a guy!", but that's a long long way from now.
What a lovely story
Lister goes next door to drop off a painting belonging to Rimmer, where he finds Rimmer and Rimmer. Rimmer tells Lister to be very careful with the painting, "It's an antique - absolutely priceless." which Rimmer points out he had just said to Lister earlier and Rimmer and Rimmer3 have a happy little chortle at his lovely story.
While Lister is questioning why they have no-smoking signs up in their quarters when neither Rimmer or Rimmer smoke4 he notices a tiny cluster of newspaper clippings glued to the inside of the door to their quarters and loses his mind.
I OWE IT ALL TO RIMMER
ARNOLD'S TOPS WITH US
ARNIE DOES IT BEST
ARNOLD ON TOP
RIMMER DOES IT AGAIN
LEAVE IT TO RIMMER
The articles, obviously, are about other people but Rimmer and Rimmer had decided to clip them out and keep them. Lister points this out and suggests that they did it so other people would think they're headlines about them, which is probably a reasonable assessment when it comes to Rimmer but I really can't help seeing it as a motivational sorta thing, and when you look at it that way it's kind of cute. Rimmer tells Lister off, reaffirming that neither he nor Rimmer will have to put up with Lister anymore and they both shoo him out of the room.
A Fantastic Swimmer
Back in his room, Lister celebrates his emancipation from Rimmer and enters a state of mega ecstasy bliss as he does all of the things that Rimmer used to hate. His elation is only heightened when he finds the video of Rimmer's death on the ground and has Holly get him some popcorn while he watches it and Holly happily obliges.
The video opens with the title card "A tribute to Arnold J. Rimmer, BSc, SSc." and when Holly asks what "BSc, SSc" means Lister informs him it stands for "Bronze Swimming certificate and Silver Swimming certificate". I guess these were the highest achievements Rimmer could manage to memorialise himself with. It then cuts to Rimmer's hologram who introduces the video as paying homage to "a man who fell short of greatness by a gnat's wing". Before Lister can watch Rimmer die however, there's a lengthy self-eulogy and poetry readings, so he fast forwards through it.
...- and if it hadn't been for those people who kept dragging him down, pulling him down, pulling him back -"
"Spin on!"
"...- if you put Napoleon in quarters with Lister, he'd still be in Corsica peeling spuds."
"Spin on!"
"...- we see the final moments of Arnold J. Rimmer."
"Yes!
We see Rimmer in the drive room being chewed out by Captain Hollister for failing to repair the drive plate, which Rimmer acknowledges and accepts full responsibility for any consequences. Then he's hit in the face by a radioactive explosion which throws everybody to the ground as Holly announces an emergency and calls for Rimmer to attend to it. As he dies in pain on the floor, Rimmer cries his last words:
Gazpacho soup
A snowglobe containing a model of the Red Dwarf shatters on the ground next to him, and Rimmer's hand falls down in its shattered remains. Have you seen Citizen Kane, by the way? Rimmer hasn't.
The video ends. Lister appears let down by it, but he's left pondering the question, "Why were his lasts words 'gazpacho soup'?"
Better than Sex
In their quarters, Rimmer and Rimmer (or Arnold and Arnold, they're on a first name basis by this point) are exercising. Rimmer keeps stopping to rest, but Rimmer encourages him to fight on through and keep going. Exercise complete, Rimmer and Rimmer discuss what time to set their alarm for - early, of course - but how early? Starting at 8:30am, they eventually work it down to 4:30am which as Rimmer points out is practically the middle of the night, but Rimmer reminds him that Rimmer wanted driving and Rimmer is driving him! With that sorted out, Rimmer begins to hop into bed, but Rimmer stops him. It's only 2am and they can fit in a couple of hours revision: Rimmer will study porous circuts and Esperanto, while Rimmer studies thermal energy and history of philosophy. Both Rimmer and Rimmer are delighted with their plan.
Fantastic! This is what I've always dreamed of, I'm in heaven!"
"Better than sex.
A to Z of Red Dwarf
The next morning, Rimmer is in the corridor outside of Lister's quarters, loudly ordering the scutters to paint the wall. When Lister comes out and asks what the hell he's doing, Rimmer explains that he's repainting the walls from Ocean Grey to Military Grey which he believes should have been done a long time ago, though even he can't tell the two apart.
Lister wonders how Rimmer is doing with Rimmer (or Mrs. Rimmer as he refers to him) and asks what the two talk about together but Rimmer only gives him a vague reply about how funny and intelligent Rimmer is.
Bull! I mean, he knows everything you know and you know everything he knows, so what do you talk about?"
"We reminisce. Chew over old times, past glories... old girlfriends."
"Oh, you mean Yvonne MacGruder?"
"Don't say Yvonne MacGruder as if she's the only one!"
"Oh go on, then, name one other girlfriend then."
"Lister, I'm far, far, far too much of a gentleman to stoop to that kind of shower-room mentality. All you need to know about Yvonne MacGruder is: I gave her one!
Clearly disgusted and wanting to get off of this topic as quickly as possible and onto the real goal of this conversation, Lister drops the bombshell he's been carrying: "What's 'gazpacho soup'?"
Rimmer stares back at Lister in total shock like he's just been struck. Lister explains, those were Rimmer's last words and he wanted to know why and Rimmer tells him off for watching his death video and tells him that it's private and for his enjoyment only. Lister expresses how strange a choice of words it is to which Rimmer reminds him he'd just been hit in the face by an atomic explosion. When Lister continues to press the question of why 'gazpacho soup' Rimmer flatly informs him that it's something Lister will never ever know.
Later on Lister sneaks into Rimmer and Rimmer's quarters. He takes only a moment to peek around before zeroing in on a book: The A to Z of Red Dwarf, which he opens to find it's been hollowed out to hide Rimmer's diary. The diary begins:
My Diary, by Arnold J. Rimmer.
January the first: I have decided to keep a journal of my thoughts and deeds over the coming year, a daily chart of my progress through the echelons of command, so that perhaps one day other aspiring officers may seek enlightenment through these pages. It is my fond hope that, one day, this journal will take its place alongside Napoleon's war diaries and the memories of Julius Caesar.
Lister flips through the diary until he arrives on November 25th, marked as Gazpacho Soup Day, but finds no further explanation.
Content warning at the top of this post RE: intrusive thought/self hatred/neglect-based trauma applies for the segment ahead. This is a funny comedy show, and these scenes and the entire premise are written comedically but they still carry a certain gravity when broken down and recontextualised. With that said, it sets the groundwork upon which a lot of this series of writings will be based upon, so forewarned I ask you to go ahead.
The Twin Smegs
Late at night Lister overhears yelling coming from Rimmer and Rimmer's quarters. Rimmer and Rimmer are having a vicious arguement.
You've got a sponge for a backbone! No wonder father hated you!"
"That's a lie! A lie, lie, lie, lie, lie!"
"Then why didn't he send you to the academy?"
"He couldn't afford it!"
"He sent all our brothers!"
"You're a filthy, smegging, lying, smegging liar!"
"Face facts man, nobody likes you, not even Mummy!"
"Mummy did like me! Mummy was just busy, she had a lot of meetings to go to!
Oof. So Rimmer has essentially given his intrusive thoughts a voice and the capability to violently express themselves and now we can learn a little bit more about his background and get some of the reasons behind his self-hatred: He was hated by his father, who gave his brothers preferential treatment; he missed out on opportunities his brothers were given due to this preferentrial treatment or because their family fell upon financial difficulty; He does realise that nobody likes him; and he was neglected by his mother who wasn't around much but whom he clearly admired, this being the subject he is most upset by. It doesn't paint a beautiful picture, and the fact that most of Rimmer's rebuttals to Rimmer's vocalised intrusive thoughts are childishly worded refusals, attacks or excuses certainly gives the impression that these accusations are very much true. When Rimmer talks about not having the right background, not having the right parents - his parents being the wrong parents - you can pretty clearly see why he believes that. It might not be the be-all-end-all reason for his collective failures in life but his upbringing is clearly a source of considerable trauma which he is in a constant state of both recognising and trying to hide from.
The argument comes to a head when Rimmer calls Rimmer 'Mister Gazpacho', and with a quivering voice Rimmer tells him "That is the most obscenely hurtful thing." More than being universally disliked, more than being hated by his own father, overshadowed by his brothers and overlooked by his mother, the events which scarred Arnold Rimmer so deeply that they were his final words in lamentation of his lost life being wielded as an insult against him is the breaking point in this argument. Rimmer and Rimmer each tell one another, "You're finished, Rimmer" and Rimmer leaves their quarters in a hurry.
Rimmer returns to the safety of Lister's quarters. Lister, who had been listening to the whole thing rushes to climb into his bunk as Rimmer approaches so he can feign ignorance. Trying his damn best to hide how distressed he is, Rimmer uses the excuse of checking to see if Lister's got his blu-tack together as the reason for dropping in, but Lister incredulously reminds him that it's 3am. Rimmer drops the matter and climbs into the bottom bunk - his old bunk and quietly informs Lister he's going to stay here the night. This whole bit is, to me at least, familiar. It brings back faint memories of early childhood, hearing parents fighting in another room as you try to ignore it and go to sleep. Eventually the shouting stops and minutes later one of them comes into your room and quietly, calmly, asks if they can sleep in your bed with you tonight. You agree, and they apologise for nothing in particular, you know for what but don't know why.
Lister asks Rimmer if everything is alright, and Rimmer tries to pretend everything's fine. "Things couldn't be hunky-dorier". Lister lets drop that he heard raised voices, and Rimmer smiles.
Heh... It's quite an amusing thought, isn't it - having a blazing row with yourself?
The thought is interrupted - or I suppose further built upon - by Rimmer yelling from the other room, ordering the scutters to hit the wall and telling Rimmer to shut up. Rimmer calmly lets Lister know, he and Rimmer have some 'professional disagreements', but nothing malicious. He's interupted again by Rimmer calling him a dead git, and calmly gets up to go to the door and yell back down the corridor.
Lister, there's no point in concealing it any longer... Rimmer and me, we've had a bit of a tiff. Nothing major! But it goes without saying, IT WAS HIS FAULT!
Content warning ends.
Citizen Kane
Lister and the Cat are in the ship's cinema where an old cartoon is playing when Rimmer enters. He casually greets them and asks what's showing, and Lister tells him "Orson Welles, Citizen Kane." Lister mentions that he thought Rimmer hated films but lets him know to the contrary that he actually took a film course at night school. He obviously didn't learn much from it though, as about the cartoon on the screen he asks, "Citizen Kane, eh? That's Orson Welles isn't it?", simply parroting what he had just been told. As a chimp in a suit and fedora is shot and disappears in a cloud of onomatopoeia he confidently remarks, "Ahh, that's Citizen Kane alright! Unmistakeable."
Lister rolls his eyes and asks Rimmer why he is here and where Rimmer is, and Rimmer informs Lister that Rimmer is nothing to do with him anymore, and has begun redoing his paintwork back from military grey to the original ocean grey. At this point, Rimmer enters the cinema and greets Lister and the Cat, but ignores Rimmer entirely as he sits down in the seat directly in front of him. Rimmer complains to Rimmer, claiming he can't see the film "through the back of your stupid, curly-haired, sticky-out-eared head" reminding us that Rimmer has a particular hatred for the appearance of his own ears5. Rimmer responds snidely, that he simply picked a seat at random and if Rimmer is upset by it he's welcome to move, which naturally he does - to the seat directly in front of Rimmer, making a show out of choosing that one in particular.
To Lister's annoyance this back and forth continues until Rimmer gets up in front of the projector to make a silly little shadow puppet and bitch about Rimmer in a stupid voice, which is where Lister finally becomes fed up with the situation and declares that one of them is going to have to be deleted. Naturally, both of them nominate the other for deletion. Rimmer argues that he was here first and guided Lister through the early days of being alone in space. Rimmer on the other hand argues that they are identical, exactly the same person - except that Rimmer is mentally unstable. Fully fed up, Lister goes with the fairest method of deciding he can come up with:
Ippy-dippy, my space-shippie on a course so true / Past Neptune and Pluto's moon / The one I choose is you.
His pointed finger lands on Rimmer. Rimmer is delighted, while Rimmer tries to bargain that the one Lister lands on is the one that stays but Lister is firm with his decision, citing that this whole situation is his own fault - if he had given Lister Kochanski's disk instead of tricking him into creating another Rimmer this wouldn't have happened, and now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. They're to meet in the drive room in 10 minutes for Rimmer's deletion.
The Captain's Table
The hologram projection unit is prepared in the drive room where Lister, the Cat and Rimmer have gathered for Rimmer's deletion. Lister shoos Rimmer, who is waiting eagerly, out.
There's precious little entertainment on this ship! I mean, if you can't attend the odd execution, what have you got left?
On his way out, Rimmer passes Rimmer who is in his full dress uniform and blows a raspberry at him and leaves him with a final insult.
As he enters the drive room Rimmer somberly nods to Lister in greeting, who offers him a drink which he refuses. Lister perks up as he notices Rimmer's medals, asking what they're for and Rimmer points to each as he lists what they're for.
Three years long service. Six years long service. Nine years long service... Twelve years long service.
Lister tries again to offer Rimmer a drink and this time he accepts the offer, asking Holly for a whiskey, straight (with ice, lemonade, a cherry and a slice of lemon), wincing and recoiling as he 'drinks' it all at once, and asks for another, another, another - double this time.
Suitably liquored up, Lister tries again to find out about gazpacho soup, and Rimmer acquiesces.
I suppose now I'm doomed, I can tell you. Gazpacho soup. It was the greatest night of my life.
I'd been invited to the Captain's Table. I'd only been with the company fourteen years.
Six officers and me! They called me Arnold!
... We had gazpacho soup for starters. I didn't know gazpacho soup was meant to be served cold. I called over the chef and I told him to take it away and bring it back hot... He did!
The looks on their faces still haunt me today! I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup!
I never ate at the Captain's Table again. That was the end of my career...
It's laughable that this point, 14 years into his dead-end career, that Rimmer believes is where his dreams were dashed. But it's not about that, it's about being extended a gesture of basic humanity and respect - being acknowledged, and that being turned into a point of ridicule and humiliation entirely through his own error and being unable to read the room. He was invited to be among people who he respected, people he wanted to be and was treated with dignity and maybe as an equal when they called him by his first name. And he fucked it up. This wasn't the end of Rimmer's career, this isn't where all of his dreams were dashed - that all happened long ago for him - but this had been the highest point in his life, and he would mourn that peak and his fall from it forever.
Lister tries to console him, telling him anybody could have made the same mistake. Rimmer, breaking down, bemoans that gazpacho soup should have been mentioned in basic training and that if it had he could have been an admiral.
Instead of a nothing... which is what I am, let's face it...
At his lowest point, looking back on his failure and facing impending death, Rimmer admits that he is a 'nothing', the same thing he called Lister back in the first episode and which he so viciously attempted to distance himself from being by putting himself above Lister. Lister tells Rimmer that he's not a nothing, but the Cat (who is trying to have a little nap) responds that he is, which Rimmer says is right (the Cat knows he's right).
Rimmer brings the blame for everything back around to his upbringing, stating that it's his parents fault that he didn't know gazpacho soup was served cold and that he never succeeded.
I never got off the bottom rung... And do you know why? Because I didn't have the right nobby parents! I bet Todhunter was fed gazpacho soup the moment he was on solids - No, I bet he was breast-fed with it! One side gazpacho soup and the other side freely dispensing chilled champagne!
The Cat is finally bored of waiting and asks when Lister's going to actually delete him. Rimmer accepts his fate and encourages Lister to go ahead and turn him off, let him die. Lister smirks and tells Rimmer he already has, he deleted the other one right before Rimmer came in. Rimmer is mortified at the revelation and having just bared his soul to Lister, who explains that he did it because he wanted to know about gazpacho soup, but knew Rimmer wouldn't tell him. Rimmer expresses the fear that Lister will make his life hell with constant gazpacho soup jokes but Lister reassures him, earnestly promising that he will never mention it ever again.
Alright... You're a bit of a slob, Lister, you know. But when it comes down to it, you keep your word. This time I'm gonna believe you. Let's go for another drink."
...
"SOUPer!
And we zoom in on the face of a man who has been savagely betrayed. This is the first of only a few times we ever see where there's the possibility of a positive turn for Rimmer, where he gives somebody (almost always Lister) his full and earnest trust, and through that positivity that comes from finally for the first time ever thinking he can trust another person we get a glimpse of Rimmer maybe being able to grow, heal, become a better person but that trust is quickly shattered and any potential growth is killed and - let's face it - probably severely set back as Rimmer's issues with trust are validated and his emotional distance from others is encouraged.
End Series 1
First of all, thanks for reading this far. This is a project I mostly want to do for my own self affirmation and expression purposes but it's always heartening when other people take an interest in the things you make no matter the reason you made them.
This was a biggun in basically every way. Me² was always going to be the big episode as far as I was concerned and it closes out Series 1 by establishing a firm basis of who Arnold Rimmer is and his many many problems which later Series will build upon. I'm glad I got through it, and with fingers crossed so fucking tightly they're gonna twist around, I am hoping that from here on out I'll be able to not feel the need to delve into every episode of Red Dwarf. We'll see how that goes with Series 2, but after that I'm 100% confident I can just pick out relevant episodes as I originally intended.
This one was kinda rough for me to write! Other than just being long, it got particularly heavy around the Rimmer arguing scene. It's kind of the point of this whole project, but I didn't expect the subject matter to effect me as much as it did, and I was really choked up while poking deeper into that part and writing it out. It's a scene a couple of minutes long but when zooming in on it and spending an hour or two going over it line by line it felt very familiar in a way other than the fact I've watched this episode 200 times. Hopefully that's at least an indication of some kind of quality in my analysis, but who can say.
So, that's it for Series 1! I expect Series 2 to be less bloated, but we'll see. The ones to look out for there are S2E2 and S2E3: Better Than Life which is back into the self-hatred spiral and Rimmer's relationship with his parents; and Thanks For the Memory which is about love and dealing living with the poor results of your good intentions.
If you've been reading these, let me know what you think! If it's all crap, or you've got a perspective you'd like to share or whatever, I'd love to hear it. Until the next entry, I hope your life manages to be as un-Rimmerlike as possible!
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"Two years? But in Waiting For God Lister said he'd been with the company for 8 months!"
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He could.
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If you're bothered or confused at me referring to them each individually as Rimmer and saying things like 'Rimmer and Rimmer' instead of 'the Rimmers' or whatever, I regret to inform you that I will not stop and I love to do this kind of shit. I'm not sorry, but I promise you it never really matters which Rimmer is which, they're the same person.
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Lister still has a no-smoking sign in his quarters after Rimmer has moved out, presumeably he just likes breaking the law.
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S1E3, The Balance of Power when his physical data is corrupted Rimmer looks at himself in the mirror and lumps in his ears as something wrong with his body that must have come from somebody else's physical data.