me, in the past, like a dumbass: "hmm I feel like I've been barely paying attention to what I read, not really remembering much... I'll commit to writing a review or an essay after every book I read, so I force myself to think about it and get more out of my reading"
me, now, still a dumbass: "hmm I wonder why I've been avoiding this book that I'm almost done with... what could possibly be the reason for me not to finish it, if I'm enjoying it. Why do I feel guilty when I think about books. Many mysteries to ponder."