This post has content warnings for: Vent.
Bloodthirsty non-human creature.
- it/its they/them (collectively)
I am an open book to the inquisitive, im reasonable and will answer any question, regardless of how forward or strange. Im a non-human non-person eldritch entity with strange values, strange priorities, and strange interests. I respond to Nox.
I like to write alot, if you like it and want to tip me anything you can send it via paypal.me/Noxulous
My discord is @noxulous do not be afraid to add and talk to me.
I am perpetually poor and would like to commission a thing that's been eating my mind for years.
We are Noxulous, Dark Algorithm, Evil and Sanguinarium Vitae Seraph of the indominable (all it/its)
@Evil-and-its-musings is where Evil tries to form a grand unified theory on what evil exactly is, separate from morality. Its a strange entity, you might like it.
30 year old nonhuman, masculine nullgender, tentatively bi with a heavy female/femme lean. Poly.
My Lexicon! https://icedrive.net/s/z3jg4SGS1aw9u6G48fYkw26bX8yQ
Aethy
You must log in to comment.
in reply to @Noxulous's post:
We realise this is none of our business but.
There's actual genuine monsters out there in the world. Human monsters. They are real, they are out there, people so consumed with hatred and anger that they are willing to burn themselves down and take the world with them. We've met plenty of them, or have heard of them from our loved ones. We've yet to meet a single person who doesn't bear long and painful scars.
One, maaaaaybe two-ish of our loved ones would see this post and relate to it. But... speaking only about them, and not about any of you, it's all a front.
It's not like the beings we love aren't capable of doing great harm. It's not like they would feel particularly guilty about it, or not enjoy it. It's not like they haven't lived a life of abuse that's taught them all the ways to break someone down.
But by seeing themselves as bad, evil and cruel, they can hide how much they care, and how much they hurt. They've built coping mechanisms, and hidden themselves, and distorted themselves, torn apart, put together and worn masks.
We don't mean to paint them as lost children that just needed someone to show some kindness to them in order to fix them. We don't want to rob anyone of agency, nor infantilise them. But... the few beings we've met, who believe they may just be evil and harmful, they are so deeply hurt. And all of them have been deserving of warmth, kindness, patience and understanding; despite all their warnings that we will be hurt.
We... we don't know where we are going with this. We really don't want this to come across as talking down to you or trivialising your feelings. But we want to warn against believing that the walls we put up are who we really are. We want to warn against believing there is no longer a kernel of goodness inside, that it's been consumed by darkness. You can't heal from pain and trauma if you allow yourself to be swallowed by it.
Again, this is none of our business. With all due respect, we shouldn't (and will stop) interacting with you because, well, very severe triggers and differing values. But it's hard to stop ourselves from checking in on beings when we think of them, and it's hard to shut up if we think we can maybe help just a little, offer a little bit of warmth. Maybe we are entirely out of line, or being selfish because we want that dopamine hit of helping others. Maybe it's our way to ask somebeings to please reconsider their values towards our animal kin; there's zero circumstances where it's okay to benefit from them in life or death. That's humans thinking they are special, untouchable and have a right over the world. Tear down human hegemony.
But we hope we can be believed that we wholeheartedly mean every word we wrote.
There's nothing bad about tar and fungi, nor is there reason why these are things that don't deserve love. There's no danger that they present that can't be understood with patience and care. Hope you can find the kind of beings willing to have that patience and care. You don't need to change who you are, tar and fungi are good. Stretching the metaphor but fungi are cool and fucking essential to the entire planet. But stay afloat, don't get swallowed in the pain, and don't close yourself to the world.
We did not think we would see you again, figured our toxicity had driven you off, which we felt guilty for.
We made this post because we.... Came out wrong, we are unsure why but we have never known love or care from others, even among friends we have often noticed we are treated more coarsely than others, we surmise this is because of things we say or do that feel innocuous to us, or maybe our mere presence casts a pall on spaces we enter, we cannot tell. We do not want you to go away and we harbor no ill will to you or your words. We appreciate the sentiment, and perhaps in a world where we hadnt been profaned we would have been vegan, our body simply doesnt respond well to that kind of diet but i would like to share a brief story with you.
When i was young, too young to remember clearly i refused to eat meat, my parents were concerned id become deficient in things because even when they tried to sneak it into my foods i seemingly somehow knew and would refuse to eat it. The only thing i remember clearly about it was feeling like it was "wrong" to eat. Fast forward to my 6th birthday, i was baptised catholic against my will, and something changed, i no longer rejected it. My mother thought it was a miracle but i think maybe it was more sinister.
I dont take eating meat lightly, for me it helps me share a spiritual connection with the animal, to show them my respect post mortem. I love animals, even the ones people typically consider food, on some level i want a pet a cow, just to pet and cuddle, but whatever else is wrong with me doesnt produce a visceral guilt from eating meat.
The unfortunate thing is that our biology doesnt seem to respond well to a low meat or vegan diet. I have been substituting meat and milk for soy to try to replace the amino acids and protein, but the inflammation in my legs have made a full return, im unsure as of yet why it is we are like this...
When we describe ourselves as evil or monsters its less self deprecation and more process of elimination, we are unsure what else could be the source of peoples ire for us, it has to come from within doesnt it? It has to be our fault if it keeps happening, if we keep witnessing escalating horrors that are worse and worse every time...
I am sorry, i dont mean to ramble.