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it'd be cool if... someone hired me

for real, I am a spreadsheet wizard, I memorize shortcuts and write macros for maximum efficiency data entry, I do technical writing and structural editing, I co-wrote a 35-page ethics doc and timeline guide doc for a $100k arts project with so much consistency tracking holy shit, I write alt text for web content and digital publications, all kinds of alt text even graphs and charts, I handcode captions, I will learn any program put in front of me and I will make flawless workflows and then write those workflows into guides and manuals, I will write a whole FAQ/wiki, I know so many thingssss, someone please pay me for themmmm on a regular basis