tbh, I think trying to improve my whole mental situation (which I realize I only posted about on my personal insta) might be adding more things to my reality than just what I'm trying to restore which is... scary, in ways. Mostly troubling. idk, maybe when I was a kid I wanted things I now don't remember wanting and haven't wanted since The Great Memory Obliteration. It's wild to live every day like you have multiple sets of histories, each one with severely limited memory space, each one trying to stretch further back but remembering less detail and less of now and between now and then, and you can only remember like, two histories at a time. At least I know where I am when I wake up now.
it'd be cool if I Got Better like I did for four days four months ago but it's equally terrifying. Like, what if that's actually unsustainable long-term, I guess I find new ways to take care of myself? And what if it's around for real long and then just nopes out? How much shit and how many people will I fuck over if I'm like, Better for long enough that I'm relied on?
(I had a killer migraine for three days and suddenly my disordered sleep was gone and I had all the mental capacity and drive that I've been slowly—and then much more rapidly lately—losing over the past twenty years)