Thinking about forgiveness and memory problems this morning. Thinking about how the me who forgives someone for something can’t actually remember the something, just know it happened, roughly when, maybe some aspects of it, but not actually remember the something with any clarity or certainty. And the real messy thing, the thing that sucks for the other person in the situation who did the thing and is being forgiven, is that future me might not remember forgiving them for it. Future me might only sorta remember forgiving them while remembering the thing that happened better than the me that forgave them. That’s gotta fucking suck.
I hate getting called flaky or “hot and cold”—what I am is damaged, corrupted hardware—but I get that flaky or “hot and cold” is how other people experience me. That sucks for me too.