Violet

So, I am white, born and raised in the US. But I don't really feel "connected" to US culture. Many reasons. Biggest is it just feels fundamentally "wrong". The culture here is not culture, it's capitalism on steroids. It's consumerism. And it's colonialism. It's awful. This country was built on horrific crimes against humanity, and I just can't reconcile that in my head.

I know, fundamentally, my family is not from the US. We are originally from Europe. Immigrated here in one of the many, many waves of colonialism. But in the process, my family threw away our connections to wherever we did come from. As best as I can tell, we're primarily Irish with roughly equal parts Scandinavian and British. But I don't know. I can't know. My family didn't really keep the records I'd need to be sure. The closest I can find is fucking DNA tests which have so many problems of their own.

Our last name suggests we're German on my father's side but ! Apparently we're not ! I guess !

I just feel... disconnected, I guess. And I don't know what to do about it. I can't be sure where my family actually is from. Even if I did know, would I have the right to try and reconnect with that culture? I didn't grow up in it. It's not mine. "My" culture, the one I was actually raised in, is abhorrent to me.

I... need help grappling with this. I'd go to a therapist but I don't exactly have money for a therapist.

Not even sure how to tag this. If anyone has thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

#cultural disconnect #need advice #rambling

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in reply to @OniLink's post:

Brisken @Brisken3/16/2024, 10:36 PM

We don't get to pick our heritage and we don't get to pick our cultures. We can pick what we want to do ourselves though; culture isn't a one and done thing. It's not a thing you can pick up an examine. It's a living, growing, ever changing thing. Culture follows people, not the other way around. So if you don't enjoy your culture, if you can't connect with your heritage, then you should make your own.

It'll be small at first, many things usually are, but if you keep nurturing it, tending to it, growing and spreading it. Eventually you'll realize you don't need to find your place, you simply need to make it yourself. So go ahead and make your own culture, pick and choose pieces of the world that you want for yourself, and then make them your own. Never forget where they came from, but don't get hung up on the cultures not being your own, like you're stealing from somebody who has nothing but their heritage.

And then, when it's ready to blossom, share it with the world. Live your culture with your friends, family, partners, children, every one. That's how cultures truly thrive and grow.