Osmose

I make websites and chiptunes!

  • he/him

AKAs:
Lapsed Neurotypical
JavaScript's Strongest Warrior
Fake Podcast Host
Thotleader
Vertically Integrated Boyfriend
Your Fave's Mutual
Certified 5x Severals by the RIAA
Inconsistently Medicated
The Source That Views Back
Carnally Known
The Alternative


Homepage
osmose.ceo/

I got a bone to pick with taste. It's the worst, most subjective sense around. Shit tastes different to me than it does to you and it fucks up so many ways that we talk to each other.

I saw a post earlier that said natural peanut butter (the kind that separates and you need to mix it back up) is delicious, which I'm 100% certain is true. For the author.

For me? THAT SHIT SUCKS ASS. It tastes bad!!! I've tried it and I don't like it!

I'm not mad at the author or their post. I'm mad at fuckin TASTE. It's subjective! But we so rarely talk about it like it is!!!

"This place has the best sushi in the world" I bet you I already know 10 people who would disagree, and half of them like sushi. Best steaks? World-class lobster? Who did you survey? Are you outta your goddamned mind???

Hell it's subjective even to the same person! Depressed? Food tastes worse. Bad breakup? Trauma? Did you get a bad whiff of cloves from some dude outside the restaurant that's you can't shake? Did your grandma make biscuits from the can and now no other biscuits can compare? TASTE IS A LIE THESE SENSORS ARE BROKEN CAPTAIN

If I was gonna make a restaurant that serves the best food, a meal would cost $10,000 and the first course would be a 6 week booking with a therapist 2 times a week before the meal to help you get your shit together. I'm hiring Nardwaur to figure out your life story and favorite foods. You don't even get a menu I'm making the best food for you.

You're 38. Working as a software dev at a bank. You own an Analogue Pocket but never play it. Your email address is a custom domain but still hosted on Gmail. When you show up for the meal the room looks like a 14-year-old's bedroom in the 90s. It's got that clear landline phone with all the plastic gears and shit inside. There's a SNES with a Chrono Trigger save halfway through the game running. But pandering without self-awareness would just make you feel cringe—we brought 5 of your closest friends too. They're all dressed comfortably and happy to see you. We're not pretending you're young again, we're sharing the fond memories. Dinner is Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas with breadsticks and Pepsi in the blue paper cups.

Someone else gets a night in with movies and popcorn (with the coconut oil and flavicol). Someone else gets 180 pulls on a gacha banner with their favorite character and a dish of salmon and broccoli. Someone else gets Planters' PB Crisps to snack on during a day at the water park. Half the customers just get plane tickets for a week back home with their parents.

Soylent chose to surrender in the face of taste's uncaring subjectivity. I choose to fight tooth and nail. Fuck you, taste.


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