Little Leif

Yesterday, I beat Lil Gator Game (which I highly recommend) and the talk between Lil Gator and his big sis just made me cry. I don't think it was anything super sad or anything surprising. It was Lil Gator asking his big sis "How's College?" I think I just instantly pictured my younger self talking to my older self (since I'm the oldest sibling in my irl family) and I think it just hit me so hard because I realized I never opened up to many people about how stressful college was for me and I always held this internal struggle I never really shared. I know too much social media is a bad thing, but I really thing being able to express and voice my feelings and thoughts to others and other people reacting to it is very comforting to know I'm not alone sometimes. I wish I had the support I have now that I had back then and I think Lil Gator Game was just the mix of nostalgic bittersweet feelings that hit me all at once. It reminded me of my college years where everyone tells you "College is hard and no one is gonna help you" but no one really told me how to deal with it, so I had to silently suffer through it. And when my grades weren't as good as my parents thought, I suffered so much verbal abuse that spiraled my mindset downward even more, to a point where I always wanted to drive off cliffs whenever I failed a test or a class. I finally got through college but it left me with incredible feelings of insecurity and lack of confidence. I think Lil Gator Game just reminded me that it's ok to struggle and sometimes points in our lives can suck. But having someone to share your feelings with can help a lot.

It hit me hard as a babyfur too because life is tough and to get to what futures we want is always a struggle and having to deal with the grown up stuff is a daily struggle. But being a babyfur to me is trying to recreate that simpler, optimistic, and creative outlook on life that I had as a kid and hold onto that feeling. So I think Lil Gator saying "Thanks for everything. All the ideas. And explaining everything to me. And being nice to me even though you were stressed out," just felt like little me saying to adult me "Thanks for taking care of me." I hope ya'll are able to thank your adult self for taking care of yourselves, big or little.

I didn't really have a point to make with this long ramble but it's just some big feelings that I had yesterday and thought about it more today. Thanks for reading this if you do and I appreciate ya'll so much. <3