PhormTheGenie

Vixen. Genie. Vixdjinn!

Hi! I'm Phorm, and I'm a Vixdjinn!

A Friendly Vixdjinn Says Hello!

I'm a genie girl, who really likes being a genie, and really likes everything about genies (really)! I'm a bit confused, lost, and trying to find my way, but I always enjoy interacting with folks here. (Trans🏳️‍⚧️, occasionally NSFW, Be 18+ or please be gone.)

A Genie Bottle, With A Rising Wisp of Pink Smoke In The Shape Of a Heart

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Profile Art credit to CinnamonSpots!

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in reply to @PhormTheGenie's post:

Complicated.

My mom is wonderful, and that's not a lie. She's supported me in every regard, always and in every way. Over the years, she's come to slowly understand that I'm not normal, I believe. But she's desperately always wanted me to be normal, because to her, that is what's necessary for my health and safety. So like... When I was in middle school, she made sure I got speech therapy, because I had a lisp that she not-so-subtly implied that would make me sound gay and needed to be fixed. And then in high school I got sent to therapy because I think she was worried that I was gay.

By now, I think she's come around to the idea that I'm not hetero. But I think the concept of my being trans is just beyond her grasp. Like, she still doesn't understand why I'm not married and don't have kids? And she's made some offhand comments about "Those transsexuals" in the past.

I thoroughly believe she'd support me in every way if I came out to her, but I also think it'll be hard for her to wrap her head around. I'm trying to find the best way to make it easier for her to understand.

My father on the other hand? When he re-married, he married an outright racist bigot of a woman and moved to Arkansas. I've been with him and that family and heard them belittle and condemn trans people - like six years ago. I haven't visited him in years because I feel unsafe doing so.

So like, I'm pretty sure that's a lost cause.

That liminal life. Yeah. I'm out to my family and so is my girlfriend, to my family, but her family not so much. Complicated reasons involving disability, money, and pressure from 'phobic relatives on the ones more likely to be supportive. And so many other ways of being stuck between.

I feel you're being too harsh on yourself... though I suppose what you mean to say is that you wish you were the kind of person who's comfortable with a lot of external signifiers.

I don't dress when I go out-- I don't even dress in front of my queer in-laws --I strive to appear utterly anonymous; even were I interested in wearing a flag, I wouldn't do it... I understand what it's like to feel like you're out there completely on your own, and I feel that concealment is a valid strategy when you're anxious or afraid.

But again, it's not really about what I think; you would like to be more open about your identity and you kick yourself for not doing so. As long as you understand that's what's taking place. You're not an impostor; your queerness or transness is not invalidated by your caution. If anything, your anxiety surrounding the matter indicates just how valid your identity is. And your validity is not contingent upon incorporating yourself into a group identity. But you personally wish you didn't feel the need to hide; you don't understand why you can't be out like other people, who make it look so easy, who seem comparatively brave. The difficulty of it is frustrating, and you try to resolve this frustration by blaming yourself, because at least that resembles a resolution. It's not a helpful resolution, but at least it satisfies your need to arrive at a solution, if only temporarily.

You know, I'm probably just describing myself, here, and I know I'm being presumptuous. n.n; But I do think we have similar problems.