PhormTheGenie

Vixen. Genie. Vixdjinn!

Hi! I'm Phorm, and I'm a Vixdjinn!

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I'm a genie girl, who really likes being a genie, and really likes everything about genies (really)! I'm a bit confused, lost, and trying to find my way, but I always enjoy interacting with folks here. (Trans🏳️‍⚧️, occasionally NSFW, Be 18+ or please be gone.)

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I've noticed a few interesting observations regarding the software and anti-cheat discussion I've been asking about lately.

Obviously the way I couched the questions was loaded: When I asked for opinions on anti-cheat software directly, the response was overwhelmingly negative. With a couple of exceptions, no one expressed trust for those pieces of software. However, when I asked about who's playing VRChat, very few people had any concerns about the security and vulnerability aspects of EAC - Instead, their minds went directly to the termination of mod support.

Overall, not terribly surprising. If I ask people who are playing VRChat if they tolerate EAC, the question is self-selecting for people who generally don't have an issue with it (otherwise they wouldn't be playing it still!). Similarly, when I ask about anti-cheat software in explicit terms of security, it catches the attention of those who already have those opinions firmly in mind (Those who don't mind it generally don't think about it).

So it wasn't necessarily the most unweighted way to investigate the issue. But it did effectively give me a good window into the situation from a perspective I wasn't initially seeing.


Generally speaking, it seems like the prevailing attitude is that software like EAC is basically ever-present, a reality of our life. Impossible to avoid in one stripe or another. I could make an argument that limiting one's attack surface is essential, but what I can't deny is that there's no fully categorizing that attack surface these days. Even the hardware we use is lousy with intentional and unintentional security vulnerabilities. So the argument becomes: What are you sacrificing, and what are you gaining?

By denying myself the ability to play VRChat, how much safer am I? By keeping myself out of the game, what do I lose out on?

There's no easy answer on this, I fear. It's a messy, smeary, nebulous cloud of inconsistent data and blurry conclusions. Everyone has a different tolerance. Everyone has a different risk situation. Everyone has different social (even virtually social) needs. So I have to say I'm no closer to anything resembling an answer for my own personal conundrum.

But I can't shake the feeling that this goes deeper than that. This goes beyond VRChat and EAC and computer security for me. Because when I look directly at this issue: It's a microcosm of so many other situations in my life. So many other decisions. The source of so many regrets.

Deny myself some happiness, for the perception of increased safety. For the idea of stability. It's practically become my personality at this point. I won't take the risk - I won't take the risk of going out. I won't take the risk to get on the plane. I won't risk my job by actually visibly transitioning, despite being on HRT for nearly two years. I won't risk even telling my family, because that would upset the balance.

Hell, for the last several months, I won't even take the risk of talking in any chats anymore, because I'm scared of what an utter moron and insufferable idiot I might come off as.

Take no risks, suffer no harm.

And yet, I have to wonder: Am I depriving myself needlessly when I act like this? Ironically, despite my strategy... it seems to hurt.


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in reply to @PhormTheGenie's post:

Speaking as someone who feels exactly the same way about so many things: yep.

"Take no risks and suffer no harm" was my philosophy for ages. Finally I realized that, metaphorically speaking, I was so fearful of poison I was starving myself.

I can't speak to your experiences, but I'm personally glad that I have started to take risks and stand up for myself. There's been pain, but there's been joy too.

But I fully understand not trusting VRChat's EAC. I'm also pulling for you to find something that does bring you joy; you deserve it!

Yeah, it's not the best feeling in the world. Honestly because, every time I suffer harm, my brain loves to go "YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE CAREFUL. THIS WAS PREVENTABLE, YOU BUFFOON". It makes breaking habit hard to do.

I'm sorry that you have to suffer this, in any way - But I'm proud of you and happy for you that you're starting to overcome and push out beyond your comfort zone!

And thank you much. I'm about an inch away from caving at this point, but then, there's plenty that could distract me if I REALLY try.

It's scary, but sometimes it's better to take the risk. Like you're being hurt now by how things are, and you might think "well if I try [whatever] it might hurt more", but it also might hurt WAY less. And even when it does hurt more, that hurt might not be ever-present like what you're going through already, and could go away in a short time.

Basically, you could be trapped in thorns, and yeah it hurts to struggle your way out of them, but when you're done you won't be in thorns any more. Do you want to be trapped in thorns forever? (no, the answer is no, it sux)

as a risk averse person myself: i feel this!! i missed out one year on seeing some online friends for the first time ever, and it was because i was afraid of going, and just took the risk free path. i still regret it, though i've made up for it in the years since.

i am working real hard this year especially to take risks because in my case many of the consequences are just...not as bad as i imagine them to be. i hope you can find a good balance between safety and fulfillment!