PhormTheGenie

Vixen. Genie. Vixdjinn!

Hi! I'm Phorm, and I'm a Vixdjinn!

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I'm a genie girl, who really likes being a genie, and really likes everything about genies (really)! I'm a bit confused, lost, and trying to find my way, but I always enjoy interacting with folks here. (Trans🏳️‍⚧️, occasionally NSFW, Be 18+ or please be gone.)

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Over the past few days, one thing that's really stuck with me is how - if you tell (cisnormative) people that you're trans, very often they'll respond as if you've told them you have a tremendously severe, awful illness. Even if they're very supportive!

Even in the best case, it's usually mildly crestfallen heartbreak thinly concealed behind polite understanding. There's always a general color of "I hope you get better" to their words, and it's never clear if that means "I hope you realize your goal of being yourself" or "I hope you go back to who I expect you were".

Once, just once, I wish I could find celebration and joy with other people over being trans. For me, being a girl is a happy, incredibly wonderful feeling, and I want to share that with others. The more I feel this low-level despair when I make myself known, the more I feel like... maybe I'm in the wrong.


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in reply to @PhormTheGenie's post:

Yeah, that's the sticky part: they love us, but they don't understand all this. They see we're nervous and upset talking about it the first time and they don't realize that we're not scared of being trans, we're scared of how they may react.

I'm sorry. It's a rocky path to walk.

You know, that's an excellent way to frame it - as them reacting to our discomfort in the moment of explaining it to them. The thing that is so hard to get across is the idea that we've always been trans, too. To them, it's like a switch was flipped (if only), and we must be uncomfortable because of that. And everything else before was to their expectations, so why not just let that persist.

It's perfectly okay, and thank you for your support <3 I confess, I've been much, much luckier with this than some. I know you've had this super rough, and I'm sorry you've had to suffer that way.

There is an unfortunate tendency, I think, in a lot of well-meaning cis people to feel OUR discomfort in the moment of coming out, and, in a mistaken attempt at empathy, mirror that discomfort because they're afraid of not being seen as 'sympathetic' to the larger-scale social issues. Because... they think of it, only, as a 'large-scale social issue' and not as 'this individual, in front of you, wants your support and enthusiasm because the source of their fear is that you won't make this a happy moment.' It's simultaneously understandable, and unbelievably annoying, because there's no nice way to say 'hey, could you just fuckin' be happy for me please and forget about the fact that my life is a political hot potato for a few seconds?'

I think you're really correct here - That the discomfort and anxiety of coming out makes the people one might be coming out to empathically mimic said discomfort. And it always does seem to boil down to "Well, what I've seen in the news about this, is...". I don't begrudge anyone for doing that, of course, but...

I don't know, as you say, it'd be nice to be happy about who I am for once.