This post has content warnings for: Vent, Mental Health Rambling, Personal Experiences With Science, Villainy.
Vixen. Genie. Vixdjinn!
- She/Her
- dragon.style/@Phorm
Hi! I'm Phorm, and I'm a Vixdjinn!
I'm a genie girl, who really likes being a genie, and really likes everything about genies (really)! I'm a bit confused, lost, and trying to find my way, but I always enjoy interacting with folks here. (Trans🏳️⚧️, occasionally NSFW, Be 18+ or please be gone.)
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in reply to @PhormTheGenie's post:
One of my best friends was chewed up and spat out by STEM, so yeah. I sort of get it. 💗
It really does that to you. It really does.
I apologize for making such noise, but thank you <3
I have thoughts about the beautiful people, not dissimilar to your own, and frankly I've wanted to vent about my experiences, but something like half the people in my feed would be bothered by the criticism, and I just don't need that noise. Just know that I understand where you're coming from, at least regarding the social aspects... I only pretend to be a scientist!
I fear that I'm causing upset by posting this myself, honestly. No one deserves my ire over this. This is clearly my being unreasonable, and not being able to understand my own hangups. This is just my not being able to control my own jealousy, being unable to accept my isolation and not-belonging. That's clearly a me problem.
Also, I promise you doctor, I wasn't speaking about you in the least! Emphatically so. I do apologize about that.
I apologize in general.
I think you're pretty brave in talking about it, certainly braver than I am. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss your feelings by labeling them unreasonable. You genuinely feel this way, you feel left out, and whether or not there's someone else out there you can pin them on, your feelings matter and examining and understanding them is important, maybe with a mind to getting over your hangups someday, or maybe just reducing the intensity of your pain, but I feel it starts by examining them in just this way. Whether and how much to share is a judgment you have to make.
Also, I didn't think you were talking about me... I'm not the joyous, self-validating science villain, after all. I'm the emotional basket case who clings to her work and sometimes manages to emerge from her despair to do something good for others. That I have real-world experience with. <3 I only mean to emphasize that I wouldn't claim to personally know what it's like going through the nonsense involved in getting an advanced degree. It sounds pretty brutal.
Thank you, doctor ❤️
I suppose you are correct, it starts with examination of how and why I feel the way I do. It's just hard to see myself getting agitated and upset with a group that is ostensibly having fun and keeping to themselves, understanding my own jealousy, and not come to the conclusion that I am a petty bitch. Though I dunno, maybe that's in demand these days anyhow.
And I've always deeply enjoyed what you do, and found it inspirational as well as poignant. I just have to echo that I have found your work empowering, and just overall of superlative quality.
As for the trials of getting the degree... Well, it's not one size fits all, I confess, but in my field? I begin to understand it's not a measure of knowledge. It's a measure of how much abuse you are willing to tolerate.
And employers know that
Unfortunately that's a thing you discover in a lot of arenas, that being smart or talented has shockingly little to do with success. :/
But I'm glad my work has inspired you. <3 Just don't do each and every thing I've described in my adventures! (or at least don't get caught)
I don't need to respond to it, but I AM responding to it, with affection and care. <3
If anything, thank you for sharing. You're not the first to say this, and if anything it speaks to something utterly vile in STEM at-large.
If you need us, we got your back. I know a lot of kindred souls wound up in the tech sides of things, but I'm not sure where else. The ones I know on the science-end wound up either unable to work or struggling at best to -find- work for various reasons.
Thank you for your kindness and understanding ❤️ Though I do apologize for being so loud about it
That being said, I agree that something is monumentally wrong with STEM. The abuse that students suffer for the sake of their PIs is absurd, and the way in which it is normalized belies a deep and insidious issue in academia at large.
I suppose I am fortunate for having found employment, myself.
Thank you, as well, for your support and assurance ❤️ Though I am sorry to be so petty.