PhormTheGenie

Vixen. Genie. Vixdjinn!

Hi! I'm Phorm, and I'm a Vixdjinn!

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I'm a genie girl, who really likes being a genie, and really likes everything about genies (really)! I'm a bit confused, lost, and trying to find my way, but I always enjoy interacting with folks here. (Trans🏳️‍⚧️, occasionally NSFW, Be 18+ or please be gone.)

A Genie Bottle, With A Rising Wisp of Pink Smoke In The Shape Of a Heart

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Yesterday I rediscovered that I had a few QVP flag vinyl stickers laying around. I briefly contemplated putting one on my water bottle, before I thought to myself "Do you even have the right to wave that flag?"

It's something of a recurring theme for me, in general. Often I ask "Am I queer enough? Am I trans enough? Can I claim any of these aspects of an identity? Do I belong to a group where I can provide and obtain solidarity with others? Do I have the right to that? Am I causing problems by even thinking that?"

I ask the question, but the answer usually is "Hey, let's change the subject". Which is, of course, telling in its own right.


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in reply to @PhormTheGenie's post:

Honestly not sure.

Every time people tell me about how great their communities are, how important the solidarity they derive from them is, they then turn right around and say "Yeah, hope you find that" - in other words "You're not welcome here, go find something else".

People always dodge this topic with me. Their silence speaks volumes.

So what? Are you somehow less you because some other bitches might not like you? No one but you gets to decide how queer you are. No one but you gets to decide how queer is "enough" (if there even is such a thing)

Put whatever stickers you want on your bottle, it's ok

Well, I mean... those aren't my groups to control and dictate I belong to. My claiming such an identity could be directly harmful to those who have it legitimately if they interpret that I'm not actually what I think I am. Harmful by either my diluting their identity, or else harmful in that someone they interpret as an outsider is infiltrating their community.

That's stupid. That's just completely the wrong way to think about these kinds of things. There's no such thing as "diluting" an identity, and anyone who accuses you of "infiltrating" is trying to harm you.

No one "controls" or "dictates" who "belongs" to any group, unless they're like actual fascists. And like, you can't let those people make you think you don't belong. I know you've been beat over your head your whole with with the idea of the "right type of person to be", and it's not your fault that you were made to feel this way, but you really gotta realize that it was designed to hurt girls like you. If anything, the fact that you feel this way at all is just proof that you ARE what you keep trying to convince yourself that you're not >.<

Also

You're talking about a sticker on a water bottle. No one is going to care. They might not even notice

I mean... I don't deny I'm screwed up in the head on this. It's still really hard to sift through everything, and my brain doesn't quite acknowledge me as anything other than what society demands I be.

I just don't want to step on anyone's toes or make things harder for anyone. Shit's tough enough as it is.

I do deeply appreciate your perspective, though. Quite honestly. Thank you.

Out of curiosity: What makes you doubt it? I mean, very often there's some reason for thinking 'eh I don't know if I quite belong here' and I've thought it on occasion myself, but like. If you're trans, you're queer, that's it? If you're unhappy with established systems of power (because they're horribly exploitative and nonconsensual) then it makes sense that you'd be on the villain side of things.

Where's the confusion, what does it seem like harm is coming from to you if you claim 'queer' for your own in that way?

Largely because of my own desperately laughable lack of progress in any direction. Despite knowing I'm queer and trans for over two decades, I still appear, act, and radiate the energy of dismally cisheteronormative society. Even after two years in HRT.

These groups, be they queer, trans, villainous, etc., are filled with marginalized people who rightly identify the dominant power structure as being hostile and oppressive. When I look in the mirror, I see what - by all rights - would be identified as an extension of that hegemony. And I can't deny I enjoy the privileges that come with being more or less closeted. Further, I can't deny that the osmotic pressure of cisheteronormative culture pervades my thoughts and impulses, making me recoil or squirm in discomfort at the liberation I should celebrate.

People are fond of saying "kill the cop in your head", for me I have been marinating in this hegemony for so long, that would involve putting a literal bullet in my skull.

From me, claiming these identities would appear externally unearned, unjustified, and by and large like an attempt to invade or cause harm.

Furthermore, these seem like tight knit groups. I absolutely identify with and enjoy the narrative justification for queer villainy. Society rejects, but that rejection transmuted into strength (and a wicked cool aesthetic). But that is an exclusive group and I have no place claiming to be part of it despite my appreciation.

I'm'a answer that last point first: it's anything but an exclusive group.

I'm not really in it but I choose not to be; I have some long-standing fetishy stuff on my dance card that's much-maligned (despite being altogether harmless and consensual) in the in-group of that particular crew, so I stay the fuck out. That said, I respect the Hell out of 'em, and they're one of few other relatively-organized hypnovisor corps out there.

Secondly: your interests are marginalized, your identity is marginalized, -you- are marginalized. Being stealth doesn't mean you don't deal with the issues, I promise you that. Folks can find out you're on HRT and fire your ass, in many cases it would still lose you custody of kids, that information can make it hard to -buy or even rent a house-, it's shit all the way through.

In any case: you can be a part of this if you want to. if you're okay with the fact that it's you holding you back, sure, okay, but honestly you're not gonna get integrated with a group unless you expose 'em to you enough to fuck up a couple times, take some lumps, fix your shit when folks are asking you something that's fair and does legit need fixing, and get to becoming.

The only way you do that is in a group. Humans - and foxdjinn, I imagine, though I have little authority on that score - aren't meant to be on their own. It fucks with our development.

Get in there, tiger. <3

You bring up a lot of good points, honestly. I just... I'm not sure. I suppose I just can't see myself being safe to talk to, knowing all the blockades and wrong things in my head. But your point about "The way you get beyond that is to get in there and try, mistakes and all," is undeniably a good one. I suppose I really should think deeply about that one.

Thank you much.

Also, just want to add that I grok what you're saying on the villain side of things. I kind of run afoul of them in certain ways, too, but still respect what they are and what they do. Damn if they don't make top notch hypnovisors, though.

Thanks, I try to do that.

I've been an ABDL forever and ever, so I'm pretty used to catching shedfuls of flak about it from this direction or that. It's stupid and folks are just moralizing about it because they think it's yucky; that's essentially all people -ever- moralize about, or so I've been finding now that I'm a whole-ass grownup.

In any case: you're more than welcome, and I'm glad to add to the pile of folks advising you get out there and do your thing. Running afoul of folks isn't the end of the world, and you're not gonna figure out what to do if you don't get out there and get goin'.

We -do- love a hypnovisor, though. :9 I don't think I link to the thing I wrote about us on Cohost and it occurs to me that I probably should!