
Hi! I'm Phorm, and I'm a Vixdjinn!

I'm a genie girl, who really likes being a genie, and really likes everything about genies (really)! I'm a bit confused, lost, and trying to find my way, but I always enjoy interacting with folks here. (Trans🏳️⚧️, occasionally NSFW, Be 18+ or please be gone.)

See here for the Genie Lore Index!
Profile Art credit to CinnamonSpots!
Avatar by DVixie
Banner image by BlackShirtBoy
Oh, I feel this. I'm sorry. It can be frustrating to feel like you're being preemptively told not to get upset.
I'm so sorry it's in any way familiar to you. It sure is a rotten feeling, yeah, and I'm so sorry you suffer it too.
All my hugs ❤️
You're not hurting people, you're disrupting the gender marketplace! Move fast and shake things!
Mmh, I see. That's something I hadn't really thought about before. It sucks... It tastes similar to the flavor of centrism in politics. "As an ally, I really appreciate you and the changes you've made, BUT..." feels similar to, "We can't get bogged down in self-reflection when there are so many dire problems in the world, we must ALL come together to find a consensus that works for the majority. The extremes on BOTH sides have to understand and respect the compromise that WE make and impose upon them." Nng... gives you a big soft hug
I've always been really worried about hurting people in this regard. Sometimes when I'm thinking of a friend in my head I DO revert back to the pronouns that I knew them by when we first met. Then I mentally slap myself on my wrist to correct it. It happens, even outside of someone's head in real conversation I'm sure, but if someone isn't more concerned about harming others than being PERCEIVED as someone who harms others, that's a problem. It's the way those people center themselves in everything instead of understanding that other people matter as much as they do.
The idea of coming out to people is one of great vulnerability. I have a friend who is out to myself and a small group of other friends but isn't to the world at large... and I interact regularly with several people who know us both but are unaware of this. People who ask things like, "What's so and so up to recently?" "Or "Is so and so going to join us at _____ today?" I have never once messed up around these people. But that responsibility is one of GRAVE seriousness. If you mess up in that situation it could bring REAL harm to the person... not just your own embarrassment from getting a pronoun wrong and correcting yourself. Not everyone treats it with that sort of responsibility though. If you tell the wrong person who would be in those types of situations, they may treat things flippantly which could cause that harm. It's a very vulnerable place for someone who's just beginning to come out, and seeing those around you try to preemptively enforce your own forgiveness upon them instead of just saying they're sorry if they DO mess up is really gross.
I certainly don't want to make it sound like I'm decrying anyone who slips up or makes a mistake! I completely understand that for certain, even when it takes a long time to rewire one's brain due to established habits. I promise I understand there, and I'm not trying to lash out at easy to make mixups with no malice.
There's just something that feels kind of gross when someone's initial reaction is, "I can't promise you I'll get this right", particularly when it's like... Seconds after coming out? Yes, I understand it's hard. Yes, I understand people will mix terms and pronouns up. But maybe try to cover your own preemptive guilt in the second conversation?
I don't know. I'm probably being unreasonable here. It's just that.... Every encounter I have these days makes me feel less and less valid, and more and more fake. Like the underlying current of this discomfort isn't "This is hard to grapple with and I don't want to hurt you" and more like "This is unrealistic and I don't believe you".
I apologize for dumping it all on you - and I certainly will clarify that this isn't an indictment of you or anyone like you! It's much more about people more concerned with establishing their own faultlessness, rather than apologizing and moving on.
Oop! We've had a little misunderstanding ^-^; I didn't take it as decrying people who slip up at all, and I also didn't think you were making an indictment of me or people like me at all. I mayyyy have gone off on my own little tangent there lol Sorry bout that. No, it seems I understood you perfectly. You're fine friend <3
It can hurt a lot when those around you seem to refuse to acknowledge who you really are. Acting as if accepting your truth is the same as being saddled with a great burdensome weight. I guess sometimes it's hard to feel real for any number of reasons. And the feeling left behind is that you must be fake. Oddly enough... people online know far more about who I am and the things I'm interested in than anyone I know offline (and I'm not just talking about this kinky cartoony weirdness). Friends, family. No one here really knows me. So with my whole essence only known to people within this glowing screen, sometimes it's hard to believe that this is really me. That this isn't something artificial, made up. My hopes and dreams and ambitions seem to have less substance when I can't reach out and touch someone who knows in their heart that those things are my true essence. Ideas may be eternal, but they can also be easily dismissed out of hand. I think that's often how it is within a person's own head too. If the people around you either don't know you as you are, or appear to not WANT to know you as you really are(what you seem to be describing), then it feels so much less like that's really you. But it is. You know who you are, you decide who you are, you uphold who you are. And anyone that refuses to see it? Their voices aren't the voices of truth. They're just background noise interfering with your signal. Don't believe in the whispers of background noise. And if you have trouble believing in yourself? Believe in the people who know you outside of arms reach. The one's who accept you without a second thought or even a hint of judgement. Even if all of those people are just within this glowing screen. Understand that they are reflecting back through this screen an image and acceptance of who you really are. You are you, you will always be you no matter what anyone does or says to insinuate the contrary. I guess... do your best in not letting those around you to sting you with their apparent reluctance to accept reality. It can definitely sting to hear them preemptively call for your forgiveness for their lack of care, and acceptance and understanding.
(Sorry for the text block ^-^; Also, sorry if I didn't say things clearly or even correctly throughout this, I've been up for about twenty hours and I'm having trouble in forming even simple thoughts rn lol) Anyway... hugs you tight take care Phorm, I believe in you <3
This is intensely rough, but from the few times we've talked I'm really glad to have seen it come up in my feed. I know this feeling and I'm sorry you're the ~lucky lady~ who's Up Next, but I'm glad you're getting there, talking to people, y'know. Moving. <3
Movement in the forward direction is difficult, and challenging ... And daunting.
But it is positive, that's true.
Thank you ❤️
Just remember: it feels hard, but most trans posters have at least three health bars and probably a phase change in the middle of each, too.
You're a boss. You can do it. We believe in you. <3