I've been trying for the last few days to collect my thoughts about CoHost and present them in a way that might matter to anyone. I want to write about why CoHost feels so unique. Why I enjoyed my time here, and why it felt somehow more accessible and inspiring to me while I was here.
Yet, every time I start, it takes only a few minutes before I realize I'm rambling off track wildly - Writing about my history with furry, writing about every other website I've had a presence on, writing about wherever I go, how I feel small, insignificant, and in danger. It feels wrong to dwell on all that, though. It feels wrong particularly here at the end of CoHost, when I ought to be celebrating what made it a nice place to be.
So I'll say this: CoHost made me feel safe being myself. CoHost allowed me to connect with old friends in a way I previously thought impossible, and make new ones in a way I didn't think I was capable. CoHost allowed me to post silly nonsense and share a laugh, and then turn around and post heavy reflections on struggles with gender, or mental health. CoHost let me share my weird, sad queer fiction, and people I've never met before actually read it. CoHost let me be a genie the way I've always wanted, and always been. CoHost let me feel like I could be myself without being shunned or judged, but instead actually be encouraged. CoHost let me be all these things at once without contradiction. Now, I'll confess I still have work to do on all this, but... I sure got a nice glimpse.
CoHost let me see the amazing artwork, writing, and music of other people. Fantastic, wonderful stuff that that would've been hidden under an avalanche of advertisement and algorithmic slop on any other platform. CoHost let those people have a place (and thus a motivation) to create. CoHost let me see other people being their unfettered selves, and let me see them finding comfort and community in that expression of self. CoHost let me see other people creating specifically for themselves, rather than for competition or engagement.
CoHost let me see other people thriving.
And CoHost let me feel for a while that maybe, just maybe, I could thrive too. That maybe I deserved that.
Was it perfect? No, not at all. There were problems from the word go, and I admit that. It didn't always feel great. And I know there were people for who it didn't click at all.
But as corny as it sounds, it sure did feel like home to me.