I hate that when i say "i really hate living like this" i also immediately have to be the one to come up with how to live differently like. what the fuck i don't know another way to live! living on my own and paying rent is existentially terrifying to me and i don't even know how to fucking start looking for a house because nobody is telling me how to do it. it's all "you're an adult now you can figure it out" and nobody will fucking tell me without humiliating me for not already knowing, or patronizing me when i tell them 'this fucking sucks why does the world work like this'
"this sounds like a type of death to me" is met with "that's just how the world is, why aren't you used to this?"
god i need therapy. i also need every landlord killed so i can move out