on this website i will never know if someone unfollows me. people can discover misalignments with my posts and quietly remove me from their timeline (which is natural, healthy, and not inherently aggressive) and i won't have to twist my stomach into knots trying figure out whether it indicates a moral failing on my part. it's kind of like how your scope of influence and number of friends cannot (and should not!) be quantified offline. at times twitter feels like it's designed specifically to make you feel like you're under constant surveillance by your own peers. it's not normal. what's normal is divorcing the concept of being liked or tolerated from the concept of being subscribed to.
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33 . disabled . trans . author . plural
anarchist
science fiction writer that fucking hates science
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in reply to @Webster's post:
right? I always saw unfollowing/muting/blocking as more like "I just want to hang out in a different part of this party than you". In real life excusing yourself and hanging out with others at a party is no big deal at all.
anyway, yeah. I'm not gonna miss that weird pressure on Twitter.
A major problem is that most major social networks take following (both in people and amount) in a kind of neoliberal way. More like a product to consume then people (which is where the problem of follow policing came from, demanding more "ethical consumption").
Also the "big 3" social networks of the past were a major facilitator in a generation gap in queer and trans spaces because of this sort of "somebody is always watching you" mentality. A cultural shift from prioritizing liberation to prioritizing safety (both are good things), and this idea of using social networks as a kind of panopticon of what and "who" you consume became associated with said safety; so much so that the things (and "people") you consume was deemed to be the most important part of your identity.
Also as another commenter said, this goes all the way back to accidentally leading terms on the old Livejournal days where followers were called "friends" and that lead to a lot of painful misunderstandings. So much so people had to clarify things about how they see their "friends" list on their profiles.
For roughly 20 years things accidentally and later deliberately got to the point where the validity of ones bond with another was seen as a manifestation of whether or not one can access their social media content, and how much of it. So much so that influencer culture promotes this deliberately as a form of marketing.
Anyway, it's good to see that trend reversing somewhat.
(Sorry for the infodump, this sort of thing is a special interest of ours).
It's very good being able to be online in a space that doesn't feed the bad problems I've had on the other site with taking numbers going up/down as direct responses to me as success or failure (possibly linked to RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) that comes with the package). Which considering I have/had a block-on-sight principle to clearing my feed, is ridiculous, but brains will do that.
using this website after being terminally online on twitter feels like going through detox therapy, it's currently very high friction to me but I know it'll get better with time & it's a good thing to not be as concerned with numbers!
I am very much feeling this rn! "Terminally online" is such a good phrase for it.
and to give you an update after a month or so: i hardly even miss twitter nowadays!
i do appreciate that this site has an option for muting and not just blocking. on tumblr my block list is sadly about 80% horrible ppl and 20% ppl who just post stuff in tags that i follow which i just happen not to be interested in
on twitter, i mute everyone that i don't respect and do not want to hear their opinions ever again. such as a politician, ceo, cop, or (most commonly) garden variety idiot idiot. i block people that are actively dangerous to be around and allowed to look at your posts, such as kf-style harrassment cult members and people or brands who pay to promote their posts
cohost's mute feature is refreshingly complete by comparison. i seemingly never have to think about that account again. i can't even find my own replies to their comments without logging out. in most situations where i'd find a block warranted i can imagine this webbed site having a solid precedent for banning them entirely, so it's really nice that there's like a whole set of features available that i (as a person who doesn't suffer from long-term harrassment) don't even have a need to reach for.
I did an experiment with a friend to see if unfollowing left a notification and I was happy to discover it didn't
if you don't mind me asking, where have you spent time that made you consider that a norm? honestly that sounds terrifying
Can't remember anywhere specific, haven't really jumped into a real social media before Cohost. Just thought that degree of passive-aggressive social gamification was the ubiquitous standard
some people on twitter do run bots that track unfollows on their account - absolutely deranged behaviour
not even having your follows/followers or likes available for viewing/stalking (let's be real here) and no numbers anywhere other than comments on a post puts me at incredible peace. it doesn't feel like i'm in a giant panopticon anymore and that's going to take some getting used to
On other sites, I'd always see people complaining their feed is full of stuff they don't care about, and I'd say "unfollow those people then". And they'd always respond "I can't, they're my friend!"
It's really unhealthy to equate those two things, and I'm glad this site does everything it can to separate them. It still happens here since people aren't used to it, but it's only a matter of time before they notice you can't check if someone's following you even if you try to!
All you need are notifs and that's it. popular online spaces have ruined the idea of just enjoying the website with those who choose to interact with you. like someone mentioned, this is a great way to detox and let go of the obsession over follows, likes, and stuff.
At first this caused me great anxiety ("how do I know I'm posting good???") and then it caused me great peace ("I know I'm posting good because I enjoy what I'm posting.") and I am so thankful I came back here.
I'm sad to admit there were a lot of people I didn't get along with/felt uncomfortable around but continued to follow because I knew unfollowing would spark drama between us and mutual friends. So glad to leave that behind with Twitter.
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