Quelklef

milk consumer

girly but not a girl

name-color: #C09


people talk about needs. in relationships, in work, at home, and most generally in life. if you're starting a new job a kind employer might remark that you should let them know if you have any needs

almost always the term need comes unqualified: you are asked if you "have needs", not if you "have needs to feel safe" or to be productive or to be happy. which is funny, because there is no such thing as an unqualified need: everything you need you need for something.

anyway, my question: when you (reader) talk about needs in interpersonal relationships, you mean needs to what? to be safe? to grow? to be happy? to feel loved? to simply not feel crippled by your emotions? perhaps you don't know? perhaps you intentionally leave it open, so that the need-haver may decide for themselves? perhaps you feel my question is mistaken?


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in reply to @Quelklef's post:

i feel like "to be safe", "grow", and "feel loved" are definitely important needs to discuss in a relationship but there are probably lots of other things, too

some other ones that come to mind are:

  • (when living together) needs related to physical space
  • needs around communication
  • needs related to any disabilities (if applicable)

some people already know what needs they have to communicate to partners when entering into a relationship and other people might have to still figure out what needs even need to be explicitly mentioned

but what justifies that "to be safe" is a need? (or that any other needs are "true needs", rather than just "wants")

i guess you just get to choose what your needs are in a relationship, and if the other person isn't down with it they can let you know?

i think this is an example where good communication is important in a relationship

if you're not sure if something is a want or a need or something in between, that's a good discussion topic for you and your partner