in a throe of life, coming out of a down and into an up. the down is marked by integration into circumstance, forgetting that life (and me) are far, far above. the up is marked, dually, by remembering (and then by entering back into myself)
in the past, it has not been like this. ups and downs equally found me shackled to the torrent of the particular details of life. it was not by architecting act of my own that i felt good (nor bad); it was by luck.
many times upon relating an experience i have heard the platitude that, "well, life has its ups and its downs". but i wonder if those who said this spoke of the first kind, while i had only known the second. their words matched to my experience, and so i had no reason to believe i hadn't understood. but the message had lost its essence, and so contained nor comfort nor direction
