Vivian

it is SO exhausting to keep feeling like you have to suppress harmless parts of yourself around other people and making up white lies so as not to "expose" how "weird" you are. i'd had a LOT of stuff on my mind for several months, even years for some of it... i think it was my little "experiment" with my meds that had (5 days prior) sort of pushed me over the edge and made me realize i just HAD to get this out, for my own sake... so i asked my sis if we could talk sometime around christmas .u.

was kinda hesitant to even get started, but i just got done with one of my more imperative Task™️s for today (prepping lunch for work). you might think i'd feel accomplished to have done so, but no. i'm just slightly (more) exhausted, and mildly relieved now that that's out of the way.

finally got around to finding out if i'm still in line for a neuropsychiatrist. had to make 3 fucking calls to get where i needed to, but yes, i am still in line. cool. appointment maybe by the end of next year, by which i'll have been waiting for 3 years. ugh.