Okay, you meaty beauties - pull up a chair and bend your ear my way. I'm John Arby, King of Arby's, and I'd like to address a gap in our menu. I respect and value our vegetarian and vegan allies in the battle against the green things in this world - things that aid and give comfort to cows. Now, there are meat free alternatives for them to enjoy a burger, but not here at Arby's; that leaves the beef side up on players. So here at Arby's, we're introducing the Mega Beefer. The bun, the salad, the cheese, the sauce - it's beef all the way through. I'll be honest, it's actually just a cow. It comes in a damn big wrapper, though. I hope you've got dental insurance. I'm John Arby.
I give up, Mack is just John Arby now
the steamy, beefy crown is all yours
Nobody panic, beef queefs. I'm John Arby, King of Arby's, and so can you. Some men live with a fire in their soul that stokes a burning passion, and here at Arby's that passion is a grill. There's eight billion of us in the world, and by god, we've got a lot of cows to deal with. They just keep making more of the bastards. We're all of us John Arby; heroes in a fight against beef. You have the passion. Take your shirt off. You're the grill. God damn, you're hot. It's burger time. You're John Arby.