After making the whole "I'LL NEVER BLOCK" bit mine the past year, it feels really justified that I got my ass handed to me by Block Man last time, huh?

More Mega Man 11, starting shortly! twitch.tv/ryyudo

Art by @WhoHostedThis

In times when arcade racers are largely relegated to indie studios, it was surprising to see an actual genuine (as in this really was made for an arcade machine first) arcade racer coming to the Switch. Not full price, but it's still the closest we got to an arcade style racing game with a proper budget.

And at first it has everything you could want from this kind of game. It's colorful, it's over-the-top, it doesn't even try to pretend it'd be striving for any kind of racing simulation. On consoles, this is a rather refreshing experience. Races are short and full of exciting things happening all around you. Your opponents are always all around you and all races are decided within the last seconds. No driving alone ahead of the pack with no one around you where the only thing you have to fight is your lack of concentration.

There is just one thing you should never do in this game: stop. The moment you do, all the magic is gone and you realize this is all just a big spectacle made for you, the player. This works well in an arcade setting. Who is gonna pay for a round and then doesn't try to win? At home, though, you might. Or, actually, the game encourages you to by adding collectibles. On each track there are three keys to find. You need those to unlock a bunch of the more weird, let's say, "vehicles". Most of the time they aren't hidden much, but when you're trying everything to win a race, they might be a bit too out of the way or you just don't have the luxury to go slower and not rush past (well, at least you think you don't).

But in Time Trial mode, you can take your time (up to a point, after a while you get kicked out). And then you realize, all this amazing stuff happening all around you, it only moves when you do. The train rushing past right in front of you? It's only ever as fast as you are, it stops when you do. The giant Ferris wheel rolling over the street? It'll stop moving if you do. Explosions? Stop if you do. These amazing jumps where you fly over all the scenery? If you drive too slow to make it, you just continue driving in the air. It just feels like you're seeing a part of the game, you're not meant to see.

Okay, but then again, why does it matter? It doesn't harm your experience to know all this. But the next obvious step to think about is, if everything around you is tailored to your speed and to make it seem as exciting as possible, what about your opponents? And that's where the game kinda falls apart. Obviously, it's using rubber-banding, why else would every race be so close? But the extent is still surprising. I've tried waiting at the starting line for 30 seconds and I still caught up to the field and won the race (in a race that's normally finished in under 2 minutes). You can win a race with a time of 1m40s with your opponents under a second behind you, but you can win the same race with a time of 2m10s with your opponents under a second behind you. They will wait for you. This even works on the highest difficulty. But if you can do that, everything that actually matters in a race are the last stretches. In each race you get three nitros (you can even buy more before a race), but using one in the first two thirds of a race is just a complete waste. If the game says it's not time for you to get to 5th place yet, the cars behind you will quickly catch up and overtake you again until it's decided now is fine and everyone in front of you slows down a bit. The game even uses the takedown system from Burnout, but every opponent you destroy will be right next beside you again in a matter of a few seconds. It doesn't really matter if you use it, but at least it feels nice to squash that fly buzzing around you, even if only for a little bit.

If only the last few seconds of a race really matter, races become a lot less exciting. Ultimately there isn't much an actual challenge and the thrill goes away quickly. The tracks are nice (but short) with a decent variety, but some parts get repeated and overall there just aren't that many (24 + the tracks from the arcade game which are more or less the same). The cars and "cars" you unlocked, get more and more ridiculous as you go on, which is fun, but it doesn't make all that much of a difference which one you use. You can level them up to improve their stats and add some neon lights and stuff like that. But after a while you'll probably just stick to whatever is either the newest or your favorite after you've unlocked everything.

It is a fun game, for a while. But it probably won't hold your interest for long. And whatever you do, don't look behind the curtain, it'll ruin all the fun.

Also, with everything around you tied to the player's speed, I was interested to see how multiplayer works in this game. Would the game world be different for each player? Actually, everything happening is still tied to the first player. If another player is ahead, nothing will happen for them. They try to keep players as close together as possible, so you probably won't notice it much. If a stops their car, it'll automatically accelerate to full speed after a while. Player 2 was catching up to me, even if it was just a controller lying next to me.
Oh well, it probably won't matter much if you're racing for real anyway. At least there's a 4 player split-screen mode.

Please give them a little bit of help if you are able to!

I'M HERE TO SWEETEN THE DEAL!!

MAKE A DONATION OF 15 OR 30 DOLLARY DOOS AND I PROVIDE FUNNY DOODLES

DON'T KNOW HOW MANY SLOTS I'LL TAKE BUT I'LL DO AS MANY AS I CAN FOR MY FRIEND!!

IF YOU'VE ALREADY MADE A DONATION AND CAN PROVIDE PROOF OF DONATION FEEL FREE TO SEND IT OVER

Couldn't sleep that well, so I made this.