It's that time of year again where I start thinking about gender, specifically my own. This has happened every year (except when I've been depressed to the point of barely functioning, but probably still then as well I just don't remember much of anything from that period) since at least 2014 and probably earlier than that, it's just when I first tracked it being a roughly yearly event. In 2014 it took up most of a year and I was in a permanant state of depression, stress and anxiety, partly because of that and because of a bunch of other factors at play in my life at that time. Some years it's been a week or two, sometimes it's a month, sometimes it's on and off over a longer period. Last year though was the first time where it didn't completely suck, and at some point I kind of stopped worrying about it and was actually able to think about it clearly for once. This time around it's been that the whole time, and I'm able to calmly think about these things without getting stomach cramps from stress or losing sleep. It's great! Progress! And progress in understanding myself more too. Like, I'm still unsure about a fuckin lot but I feel like I'm actually beginning to form an idea for the first time.
I came here just to share the image and say "remembered this teehee" or some shit, but turns out the whole post is pretty dang relevant to me right now.
That progress I talked about in that chost ~11 months ago? Well, turns out I've built on that. I'm moving forward, towards progress. I've talked to a professional, who turns out was the wrong one and I started by working backwards, but now I've got an appointment to talk to a different professional and start from the beginning like a normal person.
For the moment I'm not ready to put in explicit terms where I'm going in a publicly visible place, but I think I can confidently say I'm moving from black comic-san "Gender." towards rainbow MS Word 3D WordArt "Gender".
