Grousing below the cut
For the last year, I've found myself at the precipice of change, but never quite over it. I wonder every day what will be the final straw, the foot that kicks me over the edge.
Another business venture I tried with friends is struggling, mostly because I and one of the main partners are like oil and water. It doesn't help that he would do anything to automate my job away, which really doesn't motivate me to do work. I'm struggling, because even in this small company with friends I'm still ending up in the same situation as I was before - cis men frustrated with my existence and why I can't consistently churn out work.
Which, homie, get in line - I would LOVE to know why I can't function consistently.
My friend and her boyfriend have been very kind in supporting me through so many failed ventures, but I only have so much debt and so much retirement I can tap into. This runway is coming to an end, and I'm getting older. I have to find a grip on something. I want to feel again, have a way forward. I want to be able to work again, be able to leave my feelings at the door like every other human on this earth.
Almost every person in this country hates their job, but just does it, because you have to. I wish I would do that.