This is a post about ttrpgs and halo and the halo ttrpg i'm going to try and write for this game jam
I think a big thing of how i would get myself caught up in those emotions were certainly assisted by like, being a teenager, but there's this second element that i try to hold up to the light to see more clearly.
You have this spread of archetypes in fiction dealing with military stuff that revolves around how people are given a role and how that shapes them as a person. That kind of Functionalist Characterization where the symbolism of a tool (weapons mostly) is used to read the character. Halo Reach trains you in this with Noble Team. OCs deal in this stock and trade as well. Surprise surprise, this is a key component of Halo OCs (and anime-inspired OCs no doubt).
You have an expectation of how a character with a big hammer ought to behave, or a character with a submachine gun. These are the stock characters in this sense, almost the D&D classes: teased out and then wrung dry from a sole icon. I find they can struggle when try to stand as something more because the writer can't recognize the family of symbols organized into a foundation from which they rest on as simulacra.
And I suppose that's what always mystified me in the Spartan Customization of Halo Reach. Tiny slices of who a Spartan could be, the missions they were ordered to complete, and my fancy to imagine how that might play out.
I'm gonna try and write something for @Binary's Minimalist Jam 2. Definitely spurred on by watching that Planet FIST stream and a lot of the visible passion that @jessfromonline has for Planetside 2. I definitely lament that I couldn't get something out for the FCGH Jam or the FIST ULTRA JAM (though props to my friend Hevybot for getting his first piece out on itch.io!)
But I think that the Minimalist Jam is going to be a good repository for me to stay in practice once a year (should it continue) and continue to excise these game concepts that haunt me. Like, I can write down all the ttrpg stuff you need to confront the world as the role the character was made to fill by in-fiction systems of power to contrast against the character turn of recognizing that, but my real challenge is deciding if there's an experimental angle to this.
Yes, I want to play the game where we try to conquer a ring satellite, come to terms with our place as a knife in the hands of a cruel yet fragile arm, and be confronted with things like shields recharging, taking cover, flanking, and hijacking vehicles. But I also look at that horizon with doubt that the source material has enough texture for me to enjoy that. That the kind of player I am cannot even be supported by the kind of game I could myself produce. That the source material has enough to work with to yield this. And if I go beyond, will I enjoy cranking it all into a uniform shape?
Because what I want is to dwell in that archetype the character has been assorted in and confront that as a reality they live within. To play through their acknowledgement and investigation, their reaction and rebellion in the face of it. To weigh freedom against survival and question how much higher one has to reach than "supersoldier" to reach that goal.
Anyways, sorry for waxing all over your feed. I will write Famine and then it will be done.