if you're smart enough to buy a used car this weekend, you're a big enough genius to come to big bill heaven's!
good deals! cars that keep running! honest businessmen!
if you think you're gonna find a bargain at big bill heaven's, you won't be disappointed!
it's our belief that we've established such a good rapport that you'll trust us given our good track record - guaranteed!
if you find a better deal, feel free to ask us to match it! you heard us right: feel free to ask us to match it
bring your trade! bring your title! bring your wife! we'll suggest a vehicle that meets her needs as well as yours! that's right, we'll respect your significant other!
because at big bill heaven's, you're in for a positive car shopping experience!
take a short walk, or ride our complimentary shuttle service, to big bill heaven's: home of assumed trustworthiness!
how does it work? you get no down payment! you just do!
don't wait, don't delay - unless your financial situation doesn't allow you to buy a car right now! we'll be here! only at big bill heaven's: the only dealer that works on your schedule
take your time, friend! this event doesn't end, and if your check bounces, we'll pay the fees and give you a reasonable period to work the matter out with your financer!
big bill heaven's cars: baltimore's finest, most exclusive home of the most pleasant car salesmen in the state of maryland! Guaranteed!
hi, baltimore.
if you're average enough to buy a used car this weekend, you're an average enough joe to come to big bill purgatory's.
average deals. cars with an alright lifespan. typical businesspeople.
if you think you're gonna find a bargain at big bill purgatory, you might, but it'll probably be at least on-par with the other five dealerships on this same stretch of road.
it's our belief that you're so middle of the road that you'll probably buy with us, guaranteed.
if you find a better deal... okay. what do you want me to do about that. do i look like i manage the prices, i just work here buddy.
bring your trade. bring your title. bring your wife. we'll acknowledge her presence. that's right: we'll acknowledge she exists. because at big bill purgatory's, you get nothing but the average car shopping experience.
take an uber to big bill purgatory's home of loan shopping - that's right, loan shopping.
how does it work? if you can find a loan for a car that you qualify for, you can sign up for it.
don't wait. don't delay. don't bargain with us or we'll ask you to shop somewhere else. only at big bill purgatory's - the only dealer that doesn't really care one way or another.
hurry up. this event ends the moment market forces determine it's no longer profitable, and if your check bounces, we'll give you the legal minimum amount of time to sort it out before we call our repo guy.
stay in purgatory - big bill purgatory's cars. baltimore's most typical, exclusive home of the most average car salespeople in the state of maryland, guaranteed.
