Shattered Artifact

I've often felt disadvantaged as an artist, frequently needing reference material when working. It takes a great deal of practice to make some things stick well enough to just conjure it up in my imagination and draw it. Images are at best vague when I conjure them up in my mind's eye. I ultimately need to put line to paper in order to see how accurately I recall the proportions of things.

It had often impressed me that people can do these things without reference. But trying that for myself just doesn't work and I didn't understand why for a very long time. I didn't know people could actually see it so vividly before drawing and I felt bad for not being able to do that. I've been learning to be more patient with my aphantasia though once I realized that's what I had. And I wasn't the only artist with it. Now I take more time to thoroughly study in addition to using plenty of reference while working, which I highly recommend people do if they have difficulty drawing.

I am still skeptical when somebody says they only draw from their mind though. That feels like a rare thing to me, even amongst artists. Perhaps horses come from experience but what about bicycles? They're common, they're familiar, can you draw that without study or reference?

Despite that, I can still smell the rubber of the tires, see the sunlight casting shadows from the spokes, feel the weird foam handlebars absorbing sweat from the exhilaration of learning how to not fall over, hear the gears turning and the wind rushing, remember the sensation of the pedals bruising my shins and my knees when my feet fell off while the wheels were spinning and the triumph of when the bike was finally centered over its center of balance.

I have the opposite of aphantasia, which is called hyperphantasia. For the majority of my life, I thought that everyone could mentally "see" the same way I could. My mind's eye is not just images, it's a full simulation of my senses and more, that I can manipulate at will. I always felt alienated when I was a child because I'd try communicating on the premise that other people could "see" the way I could, and it seemed like people (both other kids and adults alike) would seemingly give me the cold shoulder or dismiss me. I understand now that they weren't trying to, they simply just did not understand the way I was trying to communicate with them because it's drastically different from the way most people experience the world.

You'd think having a powerful mind's eye would help with art, but actually, I've met way more successful artists who have aphantasia than hyperphantasia. In a certain sense, it's more satisfying for a person with hyperphantasia to just be in their head all the time than it is to put things onto the paper because they simply can't ever compare to what we see. I only know one other artist with hyperphantasia, and they struggle with this like I do.

I do draw a lot to build my muscle memory and expand my visual library, but it's less because I find it fulfilling and more because it lets me draw out of my head better. Any time I need to draw something I've drawn before I can just conjure up all the memories of the times I've drawn that thing and reference them. But in terms of actually creating art, it's seldom that I come up with an idea that I think is worth communicating and sharing with others rather than just exploring it in my head, and it was only within the past few years that I started to feel like my art compared at all to what I see in my head.

If anyone is curious, someone on Reddit wrote this test which I'll put below (source) to check if you might have hyperphantasia. I've asked friends and family to try it, and was very surprised to learn none of them had the ability to do everything on the list, because I've always just done them effortlessly for fun ever since I was a little kid. Brains are strange!

I'm very curious to know how other artists experience their "mind's eye", and how it affects your work. And I don't just mean a visual mind's eye, I've heard of people with aphantasia describe a "sensing" mind's eye where they can "feel" but not "see" an object in their mind and I think that's so interesting!

P.S. The bike I drew is based on my memory of the one I learned how to ride on. I can even remember why I learned - it was for a commercial where I'd be an actor riding a bike, but not only did I not know how to ride one, I'd have to be pushed off the bike by another kid and I didn't want to do that. I never ended up going into acting but I did learn how to ride a bike!

(a follow-up post on the power of practice with references and an exercise you can do!)

I hadn't fully realized how difficult it actually can be having such a powerful mind's eye as an artist. I guess that really goes to show how art is hard to do regardless. But also that our ability is still limited by our experience whether or not we can recall things more efficiently. And there is still that disconnect from seeing something in your mind, rotating it, bending it, manipulating it and then having to project that into a 2D plane.

The bike idea came from a discussion with a friend over some thread that went on about how nobody knows how to draw a bike from memory. That likely comes from people in the US who would probably have an easier time drawing a car than a bike, given they're so much more common (unfortunately). And what I find interesting about your attempt at it is everything that is included has to do with your experience and your point of view which is why the handlebar looks so correct along with the seat. And of course we know there are pedals down there and there has to be a chain to drive the wheel but what of all the bars? When we look down it's just that top bar where maybe we've attached a water bottle holder or something. But really this is enough to recognize that it's a bike, the viewer kinda just fills in the rest anyways. But also the details are really good, the treads are clear and the metal scoop above the wheel with the light and everything is so good. Textures and details I can often struggle with unless it's something I have a lot of experience with outside of art like fabrics.

I do recall smells quite vividly and can sometimes get a strong feeling when looking at a photo what I would have smelled if I was there taking the picture.

Brains are weird and perception is weird. Anyways! It's been a while since I drew a bike from memory so I figured I should have a go too despite my aphantasia. I haven't ridden in probably 8 years or so but I have drawn a bike at least once a couple years ago specifically as a challenge/demonstration of the benefit of using reference. Also I don't recall having studied horses specifically but I notice when others draw them and lately I do try to be more mindful when observing things I might be interested in drawing so I figured I'd do a mind horse too.

I tried to draw out the mechanism I recall my mountain bike having with a little lever device on the handlebar with a wire going down to the third gear wheel to change. Though as I type this I know remember the big gear actually had smaller gears with it and the chain would have some sort of guiding device though I don't recall where that would have been. But that was my attempt and after the advantage of seeing your attempts too. Perhaps we'll get closer to the truth with more people down the memory chain.

My horse looks like a bit of a unit haha. And it was with this one that I kept getting the urge to grab some reference as I have a habit of doing so whenever I feel properly stuck. I don't feel super bad about the head and neck but the legs are all wrong and I couldn't bring myself to add more detail unless I had references to go off of and improve the sketch. But there you go.

Thank you so much Kiana for sharing your perspective