I have lots of quirky things about me, but one of the very first you'll stumble upon if you're ever chatting with me in a Discord call, a Zoom meeting or a VR hangout is that I live with a condition called misophonia. Not a lot of folks know about it (though many are discovering it these days), so I thought I'd take some time to talk about it in long form here.
First, a primer: Misophonia, or "selective sound sensitivity syndrome", is a disorder where certain noises can trigger an exaggerated response in your brain. Sometimes that response can be a "fight or flight" response, where you feel compelled to either leave the area or confront the person making the sound, and your emotions can be very dramatic and angry.
The traditional trigger of misophonia in many folks is mouth noises (chewing, smacking, slurping or swallowing), but for me, lots of other things can trigger it, too, like:
- Typing on certain keyboards (and yeah, I'm a software developer)
- The sound of water pouring into a glass or beer pouring into a mug
- The sound of a spoon scooping into a can of cat food or a cup of yogurt
- The rattle of a spray paint can
There's really no rules to predict what will trigger it, but the triggers are extremely reliable and consistent: no matter what mood I'm in, where I am, or what time of day, I have a similar visceral response to the triggering sounds.
Since Misophonia isn't classified as a traditional psychological disorder, many folks brush it off as a "me problem", refusing to change their behavior even slightly. And yes, like many disorders, I'm aware the problem is "in my head", but that awareness doesn't make it any more likely to go away. While the issue may just be "in my head", the question of whether I continue to pursue and enjoy your company is decided in part by how supportive and understanding you are.
Right now, there are no effective treatments available for misophonia. Exposure therapy is ineffective at relieving it, contrary to what a lot of folks think. There are ear inserts you can buy that may help, but they also affect audio quality dramatically.
The best treatment anyone living with misophonia can have is the support, patience and understanding of the folks around them. That doesn't mean you have to upend your entire life to cater to the person; it can be small changes, like:
- Turning on "Push to Talk" and/or noise cancelling in apps that support it
- Muting your microphone when you're eating or drinking, especially if you're broadcasting audio (i.e. streaming on Twitch or YouTube)
- Letting your family, friends, partners, etc. eat in a separate room from you instead of all eating at a quiet dinner table together
- Checking up on your friends if they're in a situation that you know has triggered them in the past
- Being mindful of the sound sensitivities of the people you're talking with
So why do some people have misophonia and others don't? That's still a very ongoing field of research. In my case, I strongly suspect it's a natural consequence of a combination of other conditions I live with, namely tinnitus, generalized anxiety and autism spectrum disorder. The genomic company 23andme claims they've found a gene that strongly correlates to misophonia as well.
If this all sounds eerily familiar to you, maybe you live with misophonia, too! In recent years, I've joined advocacy and support groups like soQuiet, where I'm also contacted periodically to participate in research studies to better understand and treat the condition. Just understanding what's going on, and that you're absolutely not the only person who lives with this condition, can be an important first step to learning to live with it.