these days ive been isolated from my friends just by never having the time anymore, but one of them was asking if id ever had a journal. so i thought, "ive never kept a journal, my thoughts are piling up again, i dont really feel like i can talk about this stuff with anyone anyways.. what the hell."

its been interesting, cause im the sorta person that remembers everything so ive never seen a use to write down every thought i have in something real.
i mean..
i did that on twitter.. but those were greatly exaggerated for character and highly edited for character length.

but looking through my thoughts? discussing with myself at length to be read back later?
ive never done such a thing.. it is kind of therapeutic i guess, its more interesting than anything, im just so interested in 'everything look at me!'

..im really high tonight and mitski is scrambling my brain...

but i am, im incredibly interested in peculiar little things like this, a one sided conversation that's actually cohesive? not just a run on sentence or a.. like a uhhhhhhhh.
like just words, words on a page just appble lawnmower criminal dumb.
but something purposeful without being a chore to do. a conversation with yourself? where you dont reply? but you talk forever and ever and aaaaagh

its neat. i guess it helps put together the peculiarities of my internal voice.
like how you talk inside becomes very different from how you talk outside, the voices dont match, they dont have the same emphasis or connotation.

if you talk to yourself long enough your inner voice becomes a separate identity i think..
maybe thats just me.
'harhar'

...

i guess this post is sort of just trying to share the process? kind of my whole 'living art' idea or something. ... i dont remember when i became this narcissistic but i know its been a while.