Snooze

Local Cat Mom

  • She/They

I like to make stuff!
Music production, rhythm games, programming, drawing, baking. I WILL bake you cookies, you have been warned.

Music Here!
27/NB Transfemme/Pan 🏳️‍⚧️


bark
@bark

this isn’t some like, anti-“stranger danger” thing. it’s a little more like

kill the part of your brain that says chatting to strangers is bad

admittedly, for this to go consistently well, you've gotta be decent at reading people – know when they're disinterested, they want to leave, you need to drop the topic, all that. helps to know how to drive the conversation too; can you wind things down in a way that isn't too abrupt? drag it toward what you're interested in, or away from what you're not?

and, a big plus: have a guess how you can get better at each and every one of these things

chat to strangers!

people are interesting, and you can talk to them. anything from letting someone know their shoelace is undone to jumping into full just-like-we're-old-friends conversation; it's fun, and if you're anything like me, either could be the highlight of your day.

you: ok why are you saying this now though

first off, rude. this is just one of my personal beliefs. but

i was at the train station! and there's a type of train you never see here, just parked up!! so i performed the default action of any female born after 1993 and took some photos of it sitting there, and some videos of it starting to pull away. but as it (confusingly) pulled back in, i realised,,,,

i can just.
go up.
and talk to the train guard.

so i did! strolled up to the tail end of the train, chatted to someone also hanging out down there that seemed to be a railfan, and when the guard popped out of the cab, i threw out a

hey, how much can you tell us about what y'all are up to?

the initial response, well... if this was an rpg (idk i've never played one) you'd assume i'd screwed up hard.

what do you mean?

but i knew what i meant, so

you just don't see these trains out here that often!

the floodgates open

i got a lovely infodump about the network, about scheduling, about why these trains are rare out here. learned some terminology i didn't know. and after all that, got to thank them for the chat as they dangled out of the open door of the now departing train cab.

i'd like to think we both walked away happy.


mahalis
@mahalis

best tip I have to add to the above: get off-script as much as possible. if you’re talking to a person at a party or whatever, “what do you do?” gets you the answer they’ve given a hundred times to a hundred strangers in conversations that mostly went nowhere. “what do you do that’s not work?” is a less common question that makes people think for a second, and usually gets you a way more interesting answer too. “how are you” will get you a nothing, a default, but even a slight variation on that like a “how’s life” or a “how’ve you been”—something that sounds more like what they’d hear from a friend than from a stranger following the script—will give you a better chance of hearing something real.

it does take effort, but it can be so, so worth it. people are interesting! there’s something in literally everyone’s life—something they’ve done, something they’ve seen, something they know about the world—that they could tell you cool things about, and if you take the time to talk to them then sometimes you will find it.


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in reply to @bark's post:

yeah idk. that part of the brain exists for a reason. once I was coming back home by train, and the train reached its end point by stopping ALLLL the way to the far end of the platform, massively inconveniencing everyone for no obvious reason. as I resisted the urge of crossing the tracks (an extremely dangerous, but established practice at the time) I thought to myself something along the lines of "ugh the train stopped so far it might as well have arrived to the next stop"

except I said that out loud, and boy howdy did some random nearby stranger most emphatically NOT like my joke :eggbug-sob:

I did this all the time before i moved to CT, then it became a little harder ... often times people in public can be a little cold up here. It rubbed off on me a bit too, over the years found myself becoming a lot quieter and keeping to myself.

I am past 30 now tho so i am learning to just not care anymore, so maybe i should try and break out of that shell again.

Yes!! I'm not super good at actually initiating small talk IRL (very strong New Englander roots), but there are some really fascinating studies about how small talk and relational diversity go a long way towards overall happiness and well-being.

as someone from pittsburgh, im weirded out when i leave my city because when i do im not used to people not striking up conversation on the bus/public transit...

Here its pretty likely your gonna get in a convo when on the bus. its weird if you dont

in reply to @mahalis's post: