Late 20s tgirl. Elf ear pervert. Some say hemipenis girl. Writing mostly original F/F. Stories will frequently be horny so if you're under 18 you're getting blocked.



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The Queen is sick again.

The Queen is sick again and her family is here and the plan is fucked and she's going to die and the Fool can't do anything about it because she's just a fucking jester and all she can do is prance around and host the party because the Queen insisted, when she could still form coherent sentences, that they could still make the trap work.

"Pray, listen well honored guests!" She calls, to the gathered vultures at the banquet table.

If they hear her, they don't indicate it.

"As I'm sure you all know, Her Majesty cares quite deeply about family. Especially in these... complicated times, it's important to have people she can trust. That care for her as much as she cares for them. Each of you have helped make her into the ruler she is today, with your benevolent guidance through her troubled life."

In her opinion this speech is laying it on too thick, but Her Highness did write it herself.

Do they really believe her, when she says such things?

"Now, as I'm sure you all also know, Her Majesty has once again fallen quite severely ill." She says, and she pauses for a brief acknowledgement and some halfhearted well wishes.

These bastards- she can't even tell who wants the Queen dead because it's so clear to her that not one of them cares if she lives. They barely even try to hide it. Why bother? The Queen's not here, the Knight's not here, only the Fool and the serving staff.

Things would be much easier, in black and white. If she had the good relatives who were kind and caring and would never ever hurt her, and the evil who plotted her demise out of the blackness of their hearts.

But she doesn't. She has greedy relatives, all of whom know that they stand to benefit greatly from her lady's demise. Some of them are just more patient than the others, less willing to get their hands dirty.

"Regardless, she wishes for the festivities to continue in her absence. Please, make merry where she cannot, and may the joy in your hearts soothe her ailing body!"

That's met with weak toasts and 'hear hear!'s, and the den of snakes feasts. She just sits and listens, painfully aware of the Assassin's stiletto that she has hidden in her sleeve, that she cannot use it to protect her lady because that is not the plan.

"Did you hear? She's fond of her own knight, can you believe-"

"-that assassin, I keep telling her we can't trust the southern kingdoms-"

"-and you know, you know these things only happen because she's- well, I shouldn't say, but-"

Her role in this plan sucks. Everything about this sucks. The Queen's family sucks.

"-and what I heard was it was her and her knight and the jester- yes, that jester-"

"-wonderful, she is, but the other nations think we're weak, you don't see assassins striking at-"

"-sure, sure, it's not her fault how she is, but this is the real world, if she isn't up to it then-"

They continue like this, speaking openly because the only ones who can hear are beneath them and so may as well not exist.

And the whole time, it's the same. All of them, tearing down the Queen as she lays dying. The only valuable intel she can glean is that Her Majesty needs both to be hugged very tightly and to never speak with these people again.

And then, after hours of this, they scatter through the halls. All ostensibly retiring for the night, one of them doubtlessly about to attempt murder.

The Fool retires to her chambers as well, changes into one of the few outfits she brought with her when she arrived in the castle.

Free of the chiming of bells, she vanishes into the dark halls.

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