Rambling again dont worry about it lol...
I may have not achieved all my wild unrealistic high-expectation hopes and dreams before I left my 20s, but my friend who made it into the animation industry cuz she actually like put in the work told me my art when we were teens inspired her, and I dunno I just kinda love how beautiful that is, how connected we all are, how no ones in this alone and our successes are shared with everyone who helped us get there.
When I was a dumb teen I used to want to be some historic immortal cultural figure the world would always remember for whatever it was I contributed to it. I used to think that was the whole point and unsurprisingly that doesnt actually do squat to motivate you to take care of yourself and be fair to yourself and put in the rewardless time you're supposed to fuel with an actual love for doing the damn thing.
So now Im spending my 30s humbling myself and learning to love my passions again, which I havent for quite some time. But tbh I think Im making progress, and its not nearly at the speed I want, but if we worry too much about what we want we're blind to what we have and what we're actually able to get.
Ill die someday and for as long as the neverending river of time will allow, people will love me and miss me and remember me fondly, even if its just a handful of folks. Thats obviously enough. I feel silly that I ever thought it wasnt. I'll forgive my past self for thinking I was a man for so long way easier than I'll forgive him for thinking we were that important. But I Do forgive him becauae she wised up eventually ❤️
