I'm not really eating. Lost weight.
Stuck at home, disabled. Watching as this country attempts to rewrite reality by acting as if Covid is gone, when it's not - when we're still having thousands of deaths a day and thousands more disabled daily. Watching as anti-trans bigotry gets written into more and more state laws, some governors actively demanding schools give up all information on trans kids that go there. How people just go along with this because being comfortable matters more than caring about others.
Fascism creeps in like this, the othering of groups of people (disabled folks, trans folks, Black folks, Indigenous folks, etc), the slow erosion of their rights (of which we didn't have much to begin with for some marginalized groups), the push to get people to accept more and more death (people don't seem to even care that thousands die daily from covid anymore). That's how fascism rots you out. People often tell me that they'd definitely fight to stop any genocide. riiiiight. So I ask them: "What are you doing right now for marginalized people? As in visible, concrete actions? how are you helping keep them safe?" And the responses I get are wild. Truth is, most folks (white cishet folks in particular) will look the other way as fascism murders people because they already do that now.
I'm tired. I'm ill. I'm exhausted. I keep trying to fight but I can barely keep myself going. In-person support is mostly non-existent where i am. it feels like a losing battle.
I keep writing stories because if I stop writing, I... am not sure how I'd keep going. So i write things. some things i post, some i don't. some i wad up into a ball and toss, upon which my cat chases after it.
truth is, i've cheated death five times in my life. and i can be stupidly stubborn. so i'll still be here living out of spite i guess. and honestly, my goal is to cheat death nine times. Also, my cat is very stubborn too. Quark keeps reminding me to eat. good little therapy kitty he is.
anyway, i don't know how to end this post. i guess, check in with your people. remind them that you care. show up when you can. be present in what ways you can. accept the ways they can be present. keep one another safe. y'all matter and have worth.