Using cohost lately has really shown me how much numbers can just fuck with the way with both how you act and how others act towards you. It's just been really like, easy, to approach people and have a human conversation. IDK its nice, I don't have to put on a face or do a song and dance to initiate basic social actions.
Every now and then consensus comes up in a group and I'm just the polar opposite, despite being a part of that group and it's almost always people who have social anxiety and opinions on crowds and strangers. Like here the fact I can't just blend into a massive crowd and disappear if I embarrass myself has been paralyzing. If I accidentally make an ass of myself that will follow me and it's terrifying. It's just such a strange feeling being different from people who are different.
Fwiw I like crowds and feel freer meeting people in less intimate setting because not only do I like being able to blend into the noise but I don't have to care about what a stranger who I can chose to never interact with again thinks of me. They don't directly impact my day to day and if they don't like me I can just write them off. In a small community they will have that impact and I have a bigger impact on them. And if it's a loved one it's even more nerve wracking because by default I'm more vulnerable to them.
