Fade in:
The opening shot is of a bustling London street, with people rushing about and red double decker buses passing by. We hear a voiceover from the protagonist, an American named John, speaking in a dry, sarcastic tone.
John: (voiceover) Great. Just what I always wanted. To be an American in London. What could possibly go wrong?
The camera follows John as he makes his way onto the Underground, weaving through the crowds. He looks uncomfortable and out of place.
John: (voiceover) I swear, these people are so polite it's almost creepy. Like, why are you apologizing for bumping into me? It's not like I didn't see you coming.
Suddenly, John is attacked by a middle-aged, well-dressed man who grabs him by the shoulders and bites him on the neck. John struggles and manages to break free, but the man looks apologetic and disappears into the crowd before John can react.
John: (voiceover) What the hell was that? Some kind of weird British vampire?
We see John's face as he starts to realize that something is wrong. His skin is starting to look pale and he's sweating profusely.
John: (voiceover) Oh no. This can't be happening. I'm turning into one of them.
The camera cuts to John as he looks in a mirror and sees that his eyes are starting to bulge out and his hair is standing up on end. He is horrified.
John: (voiceover) I'm turning into an over-the-top, exaggerated stereotype of an Englishman! This is a nightmare!
We see John running through the streets of London, trying to find a cure. His speech is changing as well, becoming more and more cockney.
John: (voiceover) I've got to find a way to reverse this! I can't be stuck like this forever!
The camera shows John frantically searching for a cure, but to no avail. He is becoming more and more English with each passing moment, and it is causing him great distress.
John: (voiceover) I can't take it anymore! I need to find a way to stop this transformation!
The camera picks up with John sitting in a police station, his accent now fully formed into a thick, exaggerated cockney.
John: (with a strong cockney accent) Oi, mate! I've been 'avin' a right bobby-dazzler of a time! I've been bitten by some bloke on the tube and now I'm turning into one of you lot!
The police officer looks at John with a mix of confusion and amusement.
Police Officer: (in a posh English accent) I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not quite sure what you're talking about. Are you feeling quite alright?
John: (with a cockney accent) No, I'm not alright! I've been bitten by a bloody Englishman and now I'm turning into one of you! Can't you see? Look at me! (gestures to his bulging eyes and wild hair)
The police officer looks at John skeptically and then goes to speak with his superior. We see them whispering and gesturing to John before the superior officer comes over to speak with him.
Superior Officer: (in a posh English accent) Mr. John, I'm afraid I have some rather shocking news for you. The man who bitten you was not, in fact, an Englishman. He was an American, just like you.
John: (with a cockney accent) Wot? But 'ow is that possible?
Superior Officer: (in a posh English accent) It appears that there has been a conspiracy afoot, Mr. John. All of the Englishmen in London are, in fact, Americans who have been bitten and transformed into exaggerated stereotypes of our culture.
John: (with a cockney accent) Blimey! That's a right proper kettle of fish!
The camera shows John's face as he realizes the gravity of the situation. He is horrified and desperate to find a way to reverse the transformation.
John: (with a cockney accent) I've got to find a way to stop this! I can't be stuck like this forever!
The camera picks up with John standing outside of Buckingham Palace, his accent now so thick and exaggerated that it is nearly unintelligible.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) Oi, I've gotta see the Queen! She'll know 'ow to fix this!
John tries to push past the guards, but they hold him back.
Guard: (in a posh English accent) I'm sorry, sir, but the Queen does not see just anyone. You'll have to make an appointment.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) But I'm turning into one of you! You've gotta let me see 'er!
The guards continue to hold John back, but he is determined. He struggles and fights his way past them, finally making it inside the palace.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) Where's the bloody Queen? I need to see 'er now!
As John makes his way through the palace, he is increasingly distracted by all of the stereotypical English activities and sports that he encounters. He is drawn to a group of men playing cricket and joins in, completely forgetting his mission to see the Queen.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) This is bloody brilliant! I never knew cricket could be so much fun!
The camera shows John as he becomes more and more engrossed in the game, completely losing track of time and his mission.
The final shot of the movie shows John stepping off of an airplane in New York City. He looks shifty and out of place, like he doesn't belong.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) Bloody 'ell, this place is even more mad than London!
We see John walking through the streets of New York, his eyes scanning the crowds. He spots a normal, American-looking person and begins to follow them.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) 'Ey, mate! Can you 'elp me out? I'm a bit lost 'ere.
The American looks at John with confusion, but agrees to help. John leads them to a secluded alleyway and bites them on the neck, just like he was bitten in London.
John: (with a thick, exaggerated cockney accent) Sorry, mate. But this is for your own good.
The American screams and falls to the ground, writhing in pain as they start to undergo the same transformation that John did. The camera shows John's face as he watches, a satisfied smirk on his lips.
The movie ends with the implication that soon, everyone in New York City will be transformed into over-the-top, exaggerated stereotypes of Englishmen, just like John.