I'm writing this post that's gonna be a fairly long explanation of a little mental health parlor trick that's been of some use to me, but I'm also writing this cuz I see there's clearly a crisis of confidence in the FGC. This isn't exactly something new, but alot of my FGC inner circle has moved away from the torment nexus of the blue bird site, so I think it's a good opportunity to write something that will be actually helpful and be a healthy contribution to the discourse
What's the big deal?
Lemme lay out the problem with a hypothetical..... You're in bracket for the hot new game everyone's playing. doesn't really matter which one, but let's say it's something everyone in the FGC is playing seriously like Dino Rex X Tag Monsters. You decide to join the bracket for DRxTag at your local and get 3-0'd in your first match. It sucks but these things happens. the Pachy patches can't make up for having no neutral. You go to shake their hand to and to let them know they're a really strong player. They reply with
"Oh I'm actually awful at this game."
Now you didn't come into this thinking you were the best at DRxTag you've only been playing maybe a few times before the local, but you figured you had a fairly good handle on the game. If this guy, who washed you 3-0 mind you, is awful, where does that place you on the Toledo locals rankings for DRxTag? I'm sure when JigglyPuffPuffPass said this they didn't mean it as an insult to you, but it can come across that way, but more importantly than that, it sets a really high standard. If you've spent as much time as you did to go 0-2, then how much time and practice would it take to surpass "awful" and would all that effort be worth it? When we talk negatively about ourselves and how we play, that can have a rippling effect on other players around us.
What's a little self deprecating humor between friends?
Generally I don't think there's anything wrong with joking about be "bad at the video game." I'm usually very welcome of any humor that doesn't rely on bigotry as a punchline, but the main issue I'm concerned with is that every may not perceive your joke the same way, especially if it's someone that's new to the local, and doubly so if you're a player with a bigger fanbase that's saltposting online. I could say a bunch of stuff about how this effects your own mental health, but I think it's more important to address how this kind of negative self talk can have a negative impact on the community at large. Remember that you're not the only listening to the bad things you say about yourself. Now most of us are adults. Someone else's mental health isn't our responsibility, but that doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't engage in a little harm prevention as a treat.
OK, I'm a hypothetical strawman that exists solely as a rhetorical method for the reader to identify with in the context of this advice column, and I fully agree with you. What's a Cognitive Restructuring and how do ?
I'm gonna start the advice section of this advice column by saying cognitive restructuring is a collection of mental health methods that's most effective when paired with a therapeutic strategy from a mental health professional. On the other hand, insurance is expensive, especially if you're an American living after the Reagan administration.
Cognitive restructuring is a family of mental health techniques primarily used to break negative thought patterns. Sometimes when you lose or mess up, it's very easy to say something like
"I'm so bad" or "I suck"
but if you replace those habits with better statements, it can not only help with your self esteem with fighting games, but also bring alot of positivity to your local scene.
Be nicer to yourself about how you play.
Just try to not shit on yourself when you're not playing as well as you'd like. Even if you're not judging your performance on wins and losses, it's good to point out the positive things you did in a set. Generally with cognitive restructuring, you'll want to replace the habits of negative thoughts with habits of positive thoughts. So try to catch yourself before saying something negative about yourself or your play, and say something positive.
If it's difficult to catch your negative thoughts as they happen, then take small break after each loss (when you'd be most likely to shittalk yourself) and take a small stretch break while recounting the positive things about how you play. The exercise isn't really important, the bigger mission is to pavlov yourself into positive thinking.
Be more accurate about how you play
One pushback I hear often when folks argue for their self deprecation is that they do have some issues with their play they'd like to address. Which is fair, so then clearly state what those issues are. Be accurate and concise about what your failings in a game are and clearly state them instead of just saying "I'm bad"
I had an English teacher who hated the colloquial use of the word "crazy" because it didn't really have a definite meaning. Was it good crazy? bad crazy? crazy like a fox? crazy like the MvC character select screen?
Calling yourself bad is pretty ba.... uhhhh not cool in a similar way. Are you a bad player because you're the worst piece of human trash in history unworthy of bathing in the light and love of your friends at the Bismarck locals? Or do you just mess up the timing on a combo? If you're not gonna be nice to yourself, at least be accurate about where you're goofing up so you and your commmunity can know the problem is more than just "I'm bad at gaem."
##Conclusion I hope this post helps some folks out there struggling with self deprecation of various levels. I imagine there's alot of you folks out that probably aren't in too bad a place with it, but also remember that there are players that look up to you, players that think the absolute best of you, and being nice to yourself is a service to them as much as it is a service to yourself. especially if you're part of a sizable community.
