slamming open the kitchen door, hair fried like a cartoon mad scientist, wild look in my eyes as the assembled food reviewers stare at me like I'm possessed

"hey y'all ready for some fuckin food that's gonna make God bust a nut"

The servers bring out the covered silver plates, gracefully setting them down on the table. I am handed a gravy boat and walk over to the nearest table.

"alright open it up"

The cover is lifted off the plate, and just as it opens I slam a handful of horrid beans down on the unsuspecting spaghetti inside

"ITS MOTHERFUCKIN CINCINATTO CHILI BABYYYYYY"