i’ve been having a lot of thoughts about my autism as of late, because i’m once again extremely burnt out on life and all its responsibilities.
autistic burnout is scary.
i equate my experience being autistic with being a shapeshifter, where i slide between acting more or less human (“human” here means neurotypical behavior). as someone who also identifies as therian and nonhuman, this scale makes sense.
under normal circumstances, i can control this with ease. when burned out, though, staying human (aka maintaining a mask) is much more difficult.
regression is a common symptom of autistic burnout, and it’s like slowly reverting back to my more animal-like state, with an inability to slide the scale back in the other direction…conversation is more difficult, my thought process is jumbled, normal tasks feel impossible. i’m tired and anxious and just want to curl up in a ball somewhere safe until i feel better.
at times like these, i really question if i’m cut out for this human life, and it’s hard to resist the urge to just drop everything and become a hermit out in the middle of the woods somewhere. i hate bills, i hate cars, i hate politics and government and capitalism, etc, etc. it’s all too complex and overwhelming and terrifying for my animal brain.
i know brighter days are ahead for me, i always make it through. the here and now just feels so hard right now, and i wonder if i’m not alone in this ;w;
