Yesterday I put together something akin to a top ten list of NES games to talk about, but after I'd written it up, I put it away for a while until I could make a drawing for it like I usually do... but later on in the day, when I thought about the prospect of posting it, I thought... that idea just doesn't feel very good?
It's weird, because video games have always been part of my life since I was aware enough to play them. But more and more, I don't feel comfortable associating them with my identity. I have plenty to say about them, I've considered writing essays or guides on here already, but... this blog has become important to me as a means of growing and figuring myself out, and I think I'm just not comfortable with video games being much of a part of that anymore.
It's awkward, since I think video games were the only thing I really had for a personality before I transitioned, because they were the only thing I was comfortable with while trapped in that old identity, maybe. And they're still important to me for the purposes of distraction, and maybe as the occasional conversation-starter, a jumping-off point for talking about creative ideas in general. But as a part of how I express myself?... Maybe not anymore.
But making this discovery, in itself, is another way this blog has been good to me. It makes me curious about all the possibilities about what could fulfill me in its place.
What kind of person have I been hiding that hasn't come into the world until now?