Cohost should allow video but only 1mb or less so you HAVE to post the most scrungled shit (significantly less than mastodon. not "you can post normal video if you run it thru handbrake" level, it has to be incomprehensible)
brb posting the entirety of morbius crunched down to 1 MB
it's gonna be basically max jpeg compression quality and the size of a mail stamp
