I want to keep this short and [sic] sweet. There's no real way to sugarcoat it. To put it simply, I didn't get into the Criminology & Psychology Degree Program I had my eye on, my application stalled out at the financials. I do not have the necessary funds out of pocket, as for assistance it would require me submitting details about myself that turns out would be disqualifying. I'm trying to remain upbeat, as this means one less life goal until I reapply next year with the necessary funds saved up, so I can dedicate more attention to my other priorities.
This doesn't take the sting out, I had a line drawn that once the course starts I'd disappear to pursue my studies wholeheartedly. Not to move on from the fandom, but that I have no internal dials, I either go zero or a hundred on anything I do, and find it difficult to moderate or switch between tasks. I only handle things like a computer process would, one thing at a time till it's complete then checking the next entry. This means I can stall and fail to follow through to-do lists if one task is open-ended. It was this level of direct single-mindedness that I was able to crush my own depression, and now I've been turning it against my other weakness; executive dysfunction.
I'll admit I'm currently in a freefall with my ambitions, and decided on the short-term to use the extra time in my schedule to focus on trimming the excess weight I have and getting more into shape. Although I can't be in the gym all the time, so I'm for once trying to split my attention and improve my technical ability when it comes to art. This means I may be a bit more distant yet not as much as I would've otherwise been had I gotten into the study program.
I likely won't have much personal art coming out as I tackle studies and follow painting tutorials, and my topics of conversation will likely revolve around fitness as its become my new special interest. This has already rubbed people the wrong way as I decided to spend an afternoon talking about the new pulley machine my local gym got, and I refuse to apologize for it. It's my body and I can put it under whatever strain I like, and if people don't like it, every internet service has its block equivalent.
The art goal does hit on something else I want to say, I'm going to be taking a step back from the Korps. This isn't because of anything anyone's said or done, there's been a few times where that has been the case and each time we'd come back together and make up and be stronger for it. The Korps still has a lot of interest to me, I just imagine I'll cool off after DVS because it's creatively demanding. My issue is the tactical clothing on the villains, the fight scenes with the heroes, with environmental art of laboratories, of mech pits, of subterranean cities. It's just all above my skillset, and when it comes to writing, the more I do the more mistakes I realize I've made and need to do another pass with editing. I am progressing but rather than continue to flounder and be upset with myself, I want to dial my pursuit all the way back to drawing simple shapes and following beginner tutorials.
Depression left me with no juice to pursue art, and eroded a lot of my skills, and the Korps is something I want to do justice to but I just can't match my ambition with it and need to reset my sights on more achieveable goals. I still intend to keep up with my reading on the Korps Fanfiction Directory and provide feedback on the stories I've enjoyed, but other than that I'm likely to be radio silent until I feel I've brushed my skills up to deliver the portfolio I wanted to get out.
Till then. I am Vosyl. I am always Vosyl.
--- Post-Script ---
Just to clarify what I'm doing:
Goal One: Adjust Muscle-Fat Ratio and alter my bodyshape into my more athletic ideal.
Goal Two: Attain a basic competency in the areas of Composition, Anatomy, Perspective, Colour Theory, and Rendering in terms of Light and Shadow, as a means of dissuading me from overreliance on various 'shortcuts'.
I plan to address how I'm tackling both goals in their own posts. They both share in common that I'm organizing myself with the student planner I had bought for the university course, which makes my attempt feel bittersweet.