I'm in one of my mortality salient moods again, where I'm thinking how unfair that I got to live and the friends I met along the way over the years didn't. They were smarter, more articulate, and could do things that'd take me decades to struggle to do.
When someone goes away, the world feels dimmer from the light they once shone, and I hold myself responsible for bringing a glimmer of it back. To step up, and shine brighter from their example.
But I'm not that strong, I've never been that strong. We're coming up to the first anniversary without Rani Baker, and I don't know what to do.