I was talking to a friend the other day about positive qualities of men which are specifically like, positive "masculine" traits which are not "toxic masculinity" and are not "positive traits in general that anyone could have and aren't particularly gendered." After I listed a bunch that I could think of, his response was to say that I had essentially described a stone monolith and all of those qualities could easily be achieved by an inanimate object better than any human being trying to live in the social role of Man.
I was talking to another friend about how men have a very strict tightrope to walk to be seen as a Good Guy whether it be in culturally conservative spaces or in culturally progressive spaces, but that at least the conservative cultures make it very clear what the expectations are for men while the progressive cultures are quick to criticize men for being too masculine but also can be socially punishing to men who are not being masculine enough. The standards aren't clear for what exactly a man is supposed to be and what's left is not much to live inside of for those who do wish to present as men, whether they be cis or trans.
The synthesis of these conversations is troubling. Clearly in order to keep men from crossing over into conservatism we need to give them a few more traits and label them Masculine to expand the class a bit. Buff them a bit since they've been a bit overly nerfed.
I suggest perhaps:
- Adept at heists
- Excellent at navigating a group of friends through crowded places
- Darkvision
- Earth magic
- Communes with woody plants and fungi
- Wild shape: Bear or Wolf
To those saying I'm being too silly, I will be more serious and elaborate what I'm trying to get at: I just told you that all I could think of in seriousness described a rock (tall) and I don't know if I could ever truly be described as someone who even attempted to be a man or masculine I was a gender non-conforming kid who basically presented as a girl since age five save for a brief time moment of experimenting with facial hair. I am hardly the person who should be defining who men should be.
If you want the serious answer I think we should just encourage guys to ask themselves and each other the question "what do I like about this presentation and this gender identity that makes me want to do it over the other options available, versus what do I only do because I think it is expected of me As A Man or I fear repercussions for doing it As A Man" and trans guys are good at asking that question though still often get criticized in queer spaces for things like "wanting to serenade a woman" or "wanting to lift heavy boxes for people" as being "toxic masculinity" or "reinforcing patriarchy and the gender binary" so like idk we should afford them all cis and trans more room and grace to self-define a little more is what I'm saying. We are too quick to filter relatively benign and normal desires through a political lens. What harm is it to serenade a person you like? What harm is it to say that culturally men are often depicted as doing this going back to Shakespeare? Is it harmful to serenade? (This is a real example I encountered recently. A trans guy being called toxic for saying he wanted to serenade a woman as an example of guy things he identified with. Like, Come On.)
We should let their box be less constrained and like, recognize that all people embody the masculine and the feminine so like... it's fine if someone identifies more with masculinity because of the cluster of culturally associated traits so long as they do not claim exclusive ownership in a manner that disallows it from everyone else? And allow them to also embody feminine traits without being criticized and socially punished for it?
Like yeah I mean ideally the gender binary and gender categories would someday be completely demolished but I don't see that actually happening especially when people call Harry Styles toxic for wearing a dress and painting his nails or go on and on about how they hate "soft boys." A lot of supposedly feminist and pro-trans people are apparently very invested in reinforcing the walls of the gender binary for men. A lot of people seem to send the message that if a guy wants to do anything gender non-conforming it's Problematic unless he's going to completely transition (and this is honestly rooted in transmisogyny and homophobia towards gay men!!! Just saying!!!)
I mean, remember when men decided to have a fashion trend for once and started growing their hair outq to wear in a bun, and everyone started hating on the "man bun" and talking about how horrible and gross "man buns" are and how men wearing their hair in a bun are awful and bad and associated with all these sleezey traits? I thought the man buns looked good! I thought it was great that we were having a cultural moment here where men actually were doing something intentionally to express themselves and do something traditionally seen as a more feminine presentation! Nearly every man I've dated has had long hair but none of them, even the queer ones, ever felt comfortable wearing it in a bun because they didn't want to be one of "those guys" who they'd seen supposedly pro-queer left leaning women hating on for having "disgusting man buns." Apparently if you grow your hair out you are not ever allowed to style it or do anything to keep it out of your eyes while you are working/cooking. It makes you a misogynist or something. That's the message that was taken away. That long hair on men is evidence of being slovenly or an egg and not able to just be a fashion choice. G—d forbid you put it up in a high ponytail... every trans girl in a five mile radius will descend on you trying to convince you that this fashion choice (or practical athletic hair style for warm weather days!) is evidence that you're a girl.
As you all know, I am often encouraging men to use hair conditioner. Some of them have expressed to me that they were uncomfortable being seen purchasing hair conditioner at a store. Uncomfortable being seen with it in their shower! It's hair conditioner! It's gender neutral! Come on!
And like, yeah, men are often the ones responsible for enforcing these kinds of toxically right social boundaries, but I think women and everyone else, of all sexual orientations, are just as often enforcing these social boundaries.
We gotta throw them a bone, doing so is actually I think a crucial part of eroding the gender binary. And yeah since I don't actually know what kinds of masculine traits are desirable to men to claim or embody, since I have never in my life wanted to be masculine and do not understand the appeal in it myself, I made some jokey jokes!
Anyway, some additional buffs to the male class:
- Meditation is now a cool boy activity
- STEM is being upgraded to STEAMBOAT (Science, technology, engineering, art, math, bookbinding, ornithology, Applied Theater)
- New subclass, Applied Theater. Allows for utilization of circus performance and acting skills to be employed in heists.
- Lockpicking will now be taught to sons by fathers as a right of passage.
- PFLAG now organizes adult lockpicking classes where supportive Papa Bears will teach trans boys how to pick locks if their own father won't do it.
Edit: I just remembered seeing a video essay a bit ago about how it's problematic that a lot of men are getting into cooking as a hobby and enjoying cooking for their families. Because "men only want to do housework that's enjoyable." Omg girl just let him cook you a nice meal why does everything have to be toxic!!! Let cooking for the family become gender neutral!! Why are you being territorial about this!!! If you'd like him to also help with cleaning just fuckin ask oh wait you don't even date men why are you invested in this at all.
