This post has content warnings for: trauma, memory loss, death of family.
- she/they
- xylaria.vg/
🏳️⚧️🦊 34 / Gaming / Tech / Politics / Advocacy / Disability / Autism
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in reply to @Xylaria's post:
I lost my dad almost half my life ago (wow that's a bizarre thing to realize). thinking back, there are things I do remember now that I couldn't for a long time, like the Haruki Murakami book I was reading, or the album I was listening to on repeat.
it's still hard to poke around the edges of the crater that left in my life, but it gets a little less painful with each passing year.
If it was just that he died and I had to pick up the pieces and mourn like a normal loss... I think I would've been fine with it. It was sudden, it was traumatic, but it wasn't that which ruined me.
I went through a whole lot of really, really rough shit right after directly because of it - a huge amount of fighting (literal) and legal struggles and ended up losing half of everything I owned, including my dad's entire estate, and it was a nightmare for me.
I never got to mourn. I never got to make my peace with it.
that sounds hellish. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrific time. I should also apologize - I didn't mean to trivialize anything you've been through.
I also didn't get the breathing room to process things until later, and just want to echo your sentiment: it's a cruel twist of fate to have to work so hard at things that not only keep you from mourning, but instead rub your face in what you haven't had the space to process.
again, I'm so, so sorry for all you've had to go through since then.
(I also completely understand if you'd rather not have some stranger in your comments dwelling on painful things. say the word and I'll delete these comments and stop bothering you.)
Oh no, you're absolutely fine, and I appreciate it. Sometimes it helps to talk things out.
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