蒸しルビー

Master Chief and Shadow the Hedgehog are hanging out at home smoking a fat doink, that’s a type of weed plant joint if you didn’t know, while watching pimple popping videos on YouTube. Master Chief goes to check his phone when he realizes there is a notification from the joint email account that he and Shadow share. Master Chief opens the email, it’s from someone named Bowser. “Hey do you know anyone named Bowser?” asked Master Chief, doing his best Donald Duck impression. “Noooo I do-o-on’t.” Shadow sung to the tune of Toxic by Britney Spears. “Alright.” Master Chief said as he marked the email as spam, without reading the body or subject line of the email. Master Chief and Shadow continued smoking that devil’s lettuce, a common name for the marijuana weed plant if you did not know, but this time from a bong. “That was a sweet sick nasty bong rip my dude.” Shadow said hazily, with eyes beet red. “Thanks my dude.” retorted Master Chief, also hazily, with eyes as red as blood. Master Chief and Shadow continued to get quite absolutely blitzed, a term for coming strongly under the effects of the marijuana plant, out of their fucking minds. Underneath all the weed smoke and loud music Master Chief, if it were not for his super-human hearing, may have not heard the notification sound for the joint email account that he and Shadow share. He opened their email to find another message from Bowser, this time with a picture attached. Being stoned, another term for being under the effects of the marijuana plant, Master Chief decided to open the mysterious email. The email read as follows:

	I HAVE KIDNAPPED ED SHEERAN AND TAYLOR SWIFT, YOU AND SHADOW 	
	MUST MEET ME ON PLANET NAMEK TO DISCUSS MY DEMANDS
			-BOWSER 

Below the email is a picture of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran hanging over a pit of lava. “Whoa bro this guy Bowser has kidnapped Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran.” said Master Chief. “Whoa no way bro.” replied Shadow. “We gotta go save them bro.” said Master Chief, increasing the volume of his voice. “Dude yeah let’s go save them my bro.” said Shadow, even louder than Master Chief. The two then hop in their luxury spaceship and set off for Planet Namek.

CHAPTER 2

Shadow and Master Chief have a relatively quick journey to Planet Namek thanks to their high powered luxury spaceship. The spaceship is a Class LXIX craft called The USS Vanquisher. Upon descending to the planet’s surface they immediately see a large turtle-dragon looking fellow, this must be Bowser. They exit the spaceship and confront the individual. “Are you this guy dude named Bowser, buddy?” said Master Chief doing his worst impression of Jimmy Buffet. “I am the mighty Bowser, king of the koopas or something.” said Bowser in a falsetto voice which quite closely resembled the voices of Earth actresses from the 1950s. “Um bro so like can you release Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift, pwetty pwease?” said Shadow. “I will only release Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift if you and Master Chief can do a kickflip on a skateboard.” said Bowser while winking at Shadow. Unfortunately neither of them have ever attempted this move, so Shadow and Master Chief gave each other a knowing look, one that both of them knew well, one that let them both let each other know that neither of the two had ever performed a kickflip before, they didn’t even know how. “Sorry no can do my guy.” said Master Chief as he uppercut Bowser with his world famous left hook. “What the fuck bro, I’m gonna kill you.” says Bowser as he pulls out a really old pistol like from old western Earth times and shoots at Master Chief. Shadow jumps in front of Master Chief with his super speed just in time to save Master Chief from being shot by the bullet. “Bro…” Shadow quietly whimpers after being caught in Master Chief’s arms. “Bro…” replies Master Chief. “Bro I need to tell you something before I die.” says Shadow. “What is it my bro?” replies Master Chief. “I shidded and farded.” Shadow says before immediately dying. “My GUY that was so not chill and I’m really quite cross with you now so I’m going to absolutely kill you friendo.” says Master Chief to Bowser. Master Chief then kicks Bowser in the chin, shattering his skull by the sheer force of his absolutely mind blowingly powerful legs, killing Bowser instantaneously.

CHAPTER 3

After killing Bowser Master Chief realizes he needs new friends since Shadow was his only friend but he died and his last words were kinda dumb so it’s pretty easy for him to move on. Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran offer to be Master Chief’s friend and they eventually form a band together called “The Dying Shadows.” The Dying Shadows goes on to write a country album that stays at #1 on the billboard hot 100 for 36 years thanks to the hit song “Shadow Died” on the album.

The End