i forget who told me this story but i'm drunk so here you go. In the USSR, they had like a neighborhood watch who are one level below the police, they're unarmed auxiliaries and official, but they don't get a uniform. All they get is a flashlight, a radio, and an armband. so our protagonist here decides to wear his uniform when he was in the Army and stick the armband on that.
so one night, our intrepid auxiliary is called to the other side of town late on a friday afternoon for a disturbance and he walks over discovers its a bunch of people having a birthday bbq. He tells them to keep it down, and don't drink too much. but now it's late, and of course he doesn't have a car and the sun is setting soon.
He notices that he's by the WWII cemetery and it would save him some time, so he decides to cut through it. As he's walking through the grounds, the sun is setting, and he notices there's a groundskeeper working in a shed with a wheelbarrow of empty sacks. Feeling a bit mischievous, he sneaks up on the man, and grabs a sack. He tears 2 eyeholes in it, and sticks his flashlight in it, and walks up behind the man.
He taps the groundskeeper on the shoulder and goes "WOOOOOOO!". The groundskeeper just sighs, and goes back to his work. Now he feels like a dick, so he apologies to the old man who continues fumbling with something in the shed. Feeling even more awkward, he decides to leave the cemetery ASAP.
So he walks as fast as he can towards the gate when he hears someone running up behind him. He turns around and its the groundskeeper who says, "Comrade, wait! I know you feel restless, but you can't leave the grounds, you'll scare the townspeople."