Rebooting after an update, the tablet became crushingly slow and effectively unusable. I would come to learn that the PROCHOT firmware bug was in play, throttling my tablet down to 0.18 GHz.
Disabling that, Windows Defender was still chewing up 100% of the CPU. Turning it off, my machine's STILL pegged at 100% CPU with no indication of who is at fault; I don't think Task Manager actually reflects the true state of processes.
And the solution isn't to simply "install Linux", because this is a hardware/firmware bug, and just booting into a LiveUSB environment is excruciatingly slow.
Well, installing Linux would have been a solution before this happened. It had to have been that recent update that has soft-bricked my tablet, and having Linux on there from the start would have prevented this.
I have no one but myself to blame. I thought I could just put up with Windows 11. I had work to do. Now I paid the price.
