since nobody gives a shit about this account i think im free to just say what i mean here. nobody follows me from other platforms or knows me from anywhere and thats a dangerous sort of freedom
anyway i hate that i have triggers. like thats so stupid i don't have ptsd i shouldn't need to drop a whole social media site for the express purpose of "if i see this thing that nobody tags for, it will ruin my entire week." like what gives?? which fucked up cosmic entity decided i needed to be this sensitive about something so obscure in real life (and loved by my chosen crowd on tumblr)?
like. okay i get the video call thing. i understand why i travel back in time on call like that, and i understand why i lose track of myself for weeks afterward. thats a trauma thing! and i can trace it back to some specific events! it makes sense.
but cannibalism? whats the fucking story there? why does that fuck me up? i've never been forced to eat anybody, ive never known anybody who has, and it didn't used to be a problem! "cannibalism as a metaphor for sex" is my MO! i love that shit! but when my parents buy me a copy of the Donner Dinner Party game i have to hide it from view and never see it again?
somebody joined a server i'm in and added to their intro "fun fact: i have met the closest thing to a real life Dark Urge (they were a cannibal)" and i felt the nausea and disgust so strongly in my very bones that i almost left the server. a person on tumblr made a post today that said something like "the moment that plane crashes imma start eating people" and my brain lagged so hard i timetraveled and saw the post for the first time like three times in a row before i closed the tab.
"its just a squick, im fine seeing it but it just makes me uncomfortable" boy stop fucking lying to people! it messed you up so hard to see that intro that you can't be in the same conversation as that person without feeling the need to barf.
